Rimmer: Brace yourself for a bit of a shock, Lister, but I just saw you die.
Rimmer: I did warn you to brace yourself.
Lister: You didn't give me much of a chance.
Rimmer: I gave you ample bracing time.
Lister: No you didn't. You didn't even pause.
Rimmer: Well, I'm sorry. *I've* just had a rather nasty experience. *I* have just seen someone I know die in the most hideous, hideous way.
Lister: Yeah. *Me*.
Rimmer: As my father always said, "Shiny clean boots and a spanking short haircut, and you can cope with anything." He said that just before that rather unfortunate suicide business.
Rimmer: If you had two people coming for a job, and one of them was dead, which one would you pick?
Lister: It depends who was better qualified.
Rimmer: Black Border begins, to Dave Lister, condolences on your passing away. What's that poem? Now, weary traveler, rest your head, for just like me you are utterly dead.
[the Cat is checking himself out in the mirror]
The Cat: You know, I wish I was someone else. Then I could kiss me.
[Lister is preparing to go into stasis. Rimmer isn't happy about it]
Lister: Holly's supposed to have told you. I thought you wouldn't mind.
Rimmer: Mind? Mind? Why should I mind? 300,000 millennia alone while you're in suspended animation? I'll be fine. I'll do that crossword puzzle book, that should kill a couple of centuries.
Lister: Holly 'll switch you off until you come back out.
Rimmer: Even better. Switch me on, switch me off, like I'm some battery-powered sex aid.
Holly: This is an S.O.S distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf. The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak. The only survivors are Dave Lister, who was in suspended-animation during the disaster, and his pregnant cat who was safely sealed in the hold. Revived 3 million years later, Lister's only companions are, a life form who evolved from his cat and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew. I am Holly, the ships computer with an IQ of 6,000 - the same IQ of 6,000 P.E. teachers.
Holly: We're travelling faster than LS.
Lister: What's LS?
Toaster: Light Speed.
Lister: Smart arse.
[Rimmer has just noticed the woman's hair-do given to him after he insulted Holly]
Rimmer: Holly! Holly!
[a static image of Holly appears on the screen]
Holly: This is a recording. I'm afraid Holly is busy at the moment, but if you would like to leave a message after the bleep, he will get back to you. Bleep.
[Rimmer still hasn't seen the beehive hairdo Holly gave him]
Rimmer: This haircut was designed for action, not ponceing around in! Maybe a bit too severe, a bit too Green Beret. But you are how you look. And I look...
[sees the hairdo in the mirror]
Rimmer: Like a complete and total tit!
Arnold Rimmer: It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future. Simple as that.