- Rimmer: Brace yourself for a bit of a shock, Lister, but I just saw you die.
- Lister: What?
- Rimmer: I did warn you to brace yourself.
- Lister: You didn't give me much of a chance.
- Rimmer: I gave you ample bracing time.
- Lister: No you didn't. You didn't even pause.
- Rimmer: Well, I'm sorry. *I've* just had a rather nasty experience. *I* have just seen someone I know die in the most hideous, hideous way.
- Lister: Yeah. *Me*.
- Holly: This is an S.O.S distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf. The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak. The only survivors are Dave Lister, who was in suspended-animation during the disaster, and his pregnant cat who was safely sealed in the hold. Revived 3 million years later, Lister's only companions are, a life form who evolved from his cat and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew. I am Holly, the ships computer with an IQ of 6,000 - the same IQ of 6,000 P.E. teachers.
- [Lister is preparing to go into stasis. Rimmer isn't happy about it]
- Lister: Holly's supposed to have told you. I thought you wouldn't mind.
- Rimmer: Mind? Mind? Why should I mind? 300,000 millennia alone while you're in suspended animation? I'll be fine. I'll do that crossword puzzle book, that should kill a couple of centuries.
- Lister: Holly 'll switch you off until you come back out.
- Rimmer: Even better. Switch me on, switch me off, like I'm some battery-powered sex aid.
- Rimmer: As my father always said, "Shiny clean boots and a spanking short haircut, and you can cope with anything." He said that just before that rather unfortunate suicide business.
- Rimmer: Black Border begins, to Dave Lister, condolences on your passing away. What's that poem? Now, weary traveler, rest your head, for just like me you are utterly dead.
- [the Cat wants to bring ten racks of suits into the stasis booth with them. Of course, there's no room]
- Lister: You can take two suits and that's it!
- The Cat: Two suits? Then I'm staying!
- Lister: You can't stay. By the time I come out, you'll be dead.
- The Cat: Two suits is dead!
- [Lister walks off]
- The Cat: Hey, if I cut off my leg and leave it behind, can I take three?
- [the Cat is checking himself out in the mirror]
- The Cat: You know, I wish I was someone else. Then I could kiss me.
- [Rimmer has just noticed the woman's hair-do given to him after he insulted Holly]
- Rimmer: Holly! Holly!
- [a static image of Holly appears on the screen]
- Holly: This is a recording. I'm afraid Holly is busy at the moment, but if you would like to leave a message after the bleep, he will get back to you. Bleep.
- [Rimmer still hasn't realised that Holly has given him a beehive hairdo instead of the crew cut he asked for]
- Rimmer: This is a haircut designed for action, not poncing around in! Maybe a bit too severe, a bit too Green Beret. But you are how you look. And I look...
- [finally looks in the mirror]
- Rimmer: Like a complete and total tit!
- Arnold Rimmer: It will be happened; it shall be going to be happening; it will be was an event that could will have been taken place in the future. Simple as that.
- Holly: Look, I'm trying to navigate at faster than the speed of light, which means that before you see something, you've already passed through it. Even with an IQ of 6000, it's still brown-trousers time.
- [the Cat is watching a slide show of Lister's old photos. A picture of a rather ugly person with tattoos and a pipe in their mouth appears]
- Cat: Who's that guy?
- Lister: That's me grandmother. She brought me up. She was a great old lady. I got expelled from school once 'cause she nutted the headmaster when I came bottom in French.
- [the Cat is watching a slide show of Lister's old photos. A picture of a Bull Terrier and the lower half of a man holding its leash appears]
- Cat: [shocked] Who is THAT?
- Lister: That's me dad, that's the only picture I've got of him.
- Cat: He's your father? No wonder you so ugly!
- Lister: No, no, that's his dog, Hannah!
- Cat: Dog? What's a dog?
- Lister: It's just a pet.
- Cat: Ergh, ug-leee!
- [he claws at the screen]
- Lister: Listen, you go and get your stuff and let me pack mine. OK? Will you do that for me?
- Cat: This, er, dog. He'd better not be around here any place, because if he is I may have to chase him.
- Lister: Oh, yeah?
- Cat: Yeah!
- Lister: Do you know how big they are? They're around 18 foot long. And they've got teeth as... as big as your leg.
- Cat: Yeah?
- Lister: Yeah.
- Cat: Well, I may have to chase him anyway.
- [while backing out of the room he bumps into the door frame]
- Cat: Argh!
- [he looks left and right down the corridor for the dog]
- Rimmer: [to the future echo of 171-year-old Lister] What about me? What happens to me?
- Lister: He can't hear us, Rimmer. He's from the future.
- Rimmer: Ah, but if I ask you now, you can remember it and when you get to be him, you can tell me.
- Lister: Boss thinking.
- Future Lister: Rimmer? You wanted to know what happened to you?
- Rimmer: Yes!
- Future Lister: Well, come closer.
- Rimmer: Yes!
- Future Lister: Come closer still.
- Rimmer: Yes!
- Future Lister: Closer.
- Rimmer: Yes!
- [Future Lister opens his mouth, then just laughs, then he vanishes]
- Rimmer: You goit!
- [turns around and points at Lister]
- Rimmer: No, you goit! They're all goits! I'm surrounded by goits! Holly, you're a goit!
- Holly: I'm a what?
- Rimmer: You heard!
- Lister: Yo, Rimmer, look, I've been thinking...
- Rimmer: What?
- Lister: You know, about going into stasis and everything.
- Rimmer: How did I do what?
- Lister: What do you mean "How did I do what?"?
- Rimmer: Lister, don't be a gimboid.
- Lister: I'm not being a gimboid!
- [Rimmer then turns around for no reason at all]
- Rimmer: I've just been in the library, thinking. And I've decided... Shut up! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I've decided when you go into stasis I want to stay behind. I want to be left on.
- Lister: What, on your own for the rest of your life?
- Rimmer: What things?
- Lister: Eh?
- Rimmer: I said what?
- Lister: What's going on?
- Rimmer: You are space crazy.
- Lister: I'm space crazy? You're the one who's... space crazy!
- Rimmer: Well, it probably is deja vu. It sounds like it.
- [Rimmer shakes his head and walks out of the room. Lister follows him to the doorway and watches him go off down the corridor, then turns around to see Rimmer suddenly entering the room from the opposite side]
- Lister: Argh! Rimmer! I've just seen you walk out of that door!
- Rimmer: What?
- Lister: How did you do that?
- Rimmer: How did I do what?
- Lister: You, just this second, walked out of that door!
- Rimmer: Lister, don't be a gimboid.
- Lister: [crosses to the side of the room that Rimmer came in from] I swear, on me grandmother's life, as you walked out of that door, you came in this one!
- Rimmer: [has turned around so he's still facing Lister] I've just been in the library, thinking. And I've decided...
- Lister: Rimmer, I'm telling yer!
- Rimmer: Shut up! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I've decided when you go into stasis I want to stay behind. I want to be left on.
- Lister: Rimmer, you've just come in and said exactly these things.
- Rimmer: What things?
- Lister: You said that.
- Rimmer: I said what?
- Lister: And that! You said that!
- Rimmer: You are space crazy.
- Lister: And then you said "Well, it probably is deja vu."
- Rimmer: Well, it probably is deja vu. It sounds like it.
- Lister: Well, go on, then, shake your head and walk out.
- [Rimmer does so in the same way that he did before]
- [the Cat is watching a slide show of Lister's old photos]
- Lister: Ah! Now that one's me with Jim Bexley Speed. He played for the London Jets zero gravity football team. He was roof attack. As you can see, he was really, really, really, really, really thrilled to meet me.
- [Jim Bexley Speed does not look too thrilled at all]