Quark (1977– )
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The Old and the Beautiful 

The Head gives Quark a mission to spend an extended romantic interlude with a princess. Elated about his orders, Quark is later told by Palindrome that this is a secret mission to an ... See full summary »




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Episode complete credited cast:
Gene / Jean (as Timothy Thomerson)
Patricia Barnstable ...
Betty (as Tricia Barnstable)
The Head
Princess Carna
Daina House ...
The Handmaiden (as Dana House)


The Head gives Quark a mission to spend an extended romantic interlude with a princess. Elated about his orders, Quark is later told by Palindrome that this is a secret mission to an unknown location. Quark and his crew set out from Perma One on the secret mission and along the trip they pick up a space baggie that they find in their way. But the bag they pickup gets jammed in the spacecraft's pickup door so Quark goes to fix the problem. When he is finished with the fix, Quark appears visibly older. This leads Ficus to conclude that Quark is aging at a rate of 2 years per hour due to a virus he encountered from the space baggie. Even though the crew attempts to cure Quark, all of their attempts fail. Quark is given final orders by Palindrome that he must complete an interlude with the beautiful and voluptuous Princess Carna in order to maintain a treaty with the dreaded Gorgons. Quark doubts that he can complete the mission, given his advancing age and senility, but he gives it a try... Written by H Pylypiw

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Comedy | Sci-Fi

Parents Guide:




Release Date:

3 March 1978 (USA)  »

Company Credits

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Technical Specs


Sound Mix:


Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1
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Did You Know?


Paula Prentiss played the female voice of Gene/Jean, the trans-mute. Prentiss is the real-life wife of Richard Benjamin. See more »


Ficus is writing on the pad as Quark is speaking to him. When Ficus puts the pad down there is a blank page. See more »


Adam Quark: Emotionally I won't feel a thing. It's strictly a mission. And Betty, I mean that from the bottom of my heart, whatever happens between me and that princess happens for the good of the United Galaxies. Do you believe me?
BettyBetty: No!
Andy the Android: Frankly, I've heard better.
Adam Quark: Andy!
Gene: Was a little lame, commander.
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Spoofs The Young and the Restless (1973) See more »

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User Reviews

Entertaining episode
23 August 2011 | by (The Last New Jersey Drive-In on the Left) – See all my reviews

Quark (a wonderfully droll and deadpan Richard Benjamin) contracts a mysterious virus that promptly causes him to age at an accelerated rate just as he's about to meet the beautiful Princess Carna (a nicely vampy portrayal by the ravishing Barbara Rhoades). Director Hy Averback, working from a smart and witty script by Bruce Kane, relates the amusing story at a constant quick pace and maintains an enjoyable lighthearted tone throughout. The cast are in solid form: Tim Thomerson has a few inspired moments alternating between his rugged macho guy and more shy female gal personalities as Gene/ Jean, Richard Kelton does well as the phlegmatic Ficus, Conrad Janis smarms it up deliciously as the unctuous Palindrome, Bobby Porter gets several huge laughs as sniveling coward robot Andy, and, best of all, Tricia and Cyb Barnstable are as sexy, vibrant, and delightful as ever as Betty I and Betty II, who are both understandably unhappy and jealous about Quark's latest assignment. Great running gag: All the aliens speak in odd tongues, yet everybody easily understands what they are saying anyway (a cute little hairball named Dink who talks in beeps is especially funny). Moreover, it's a riot to see Quark become more increasingly senile and wizened as the plot unfolds. The scrappy special effects possess a certain primitive charm. A fun show.

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