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"Quantum Leap" The Play's the Thing - September 9, 1969 (TV Episode 1992) Poster

Quotes

Neil: [as he barges in on a hanky-panky between his mother and Sam] My God, Mom! What would Dad say?

["Oh, boy" pause]

Neil: I mean... what would he say?

Dr. Sam Beckett: [as Joe] I can well imagine that this might look a little, you know...

Jane Lindhurst: Neil, your father has been dead for three years, and not once during that time has he said a word. I don't think he's gonna start now.

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Neil: [to Jane] Tonight, we'd like to take you someplace special.

Liz: Uh...

Neil: Your choice.

Liz: We want your fiftieth birthday to be one you won't forget.

Jane Lindhurst: Oh, boy.

Dr. Sam Beckett: Hmm, you can say that again.

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The Director: [about 'Hamlet'] This is... Denmark, 1500. Deception is in the air. Everything is... damp, musty, frigid.

Admiral Al Calavicci: [entering] That sounds like my third wife, or was it my second or fourth... most of my wives.

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Petra: [to Sam, after he has performed as Hamlet] It's really intense watching you.

Jane Lindhurst: I know just what you mean.

Petra: I didn't know your mother was coming.

Jane Lindhurst: "Mother"?

Admiral Al Calavicci: Mother? Every guy should have a mother like that. That is if she's your mother...

[Jane kisses Sam passionately]

Admiral Al Calavicci: I hope she's not your mother!

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Ted: You know, when you left, Cleveland lost its prettiest girl.

Jane Lindhurst: And when you left, Cleveland lost its biggest liar.

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Dr. Sam Beckett: You can't hit a home run if you don't come up to the plate.

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Dr. Sam Beckett: I thought the only way to make a good impression was to show them that I was a good actor. However, no matter how hard I tried, only one thought kept running through my mind: did people throw rotten vegetables at bad actors in the sixties?

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Neil: Say, what kind of joint is this?

Liz: It's an art house.

Neil: Well, tell Art to get a real theater.

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[Sam has just had to perform in his play nude]

Dr. Sam Beckett: I've never been so totally and completely humiliated in my life!

Admiral Al Calavicci: What are you complaining about? You should be proud. That audience was riveted!

Dr. Sam Beckett: Oh, please.

Admiral Al Calavicci: It was like they were watching... a car wreck. Like it was horrible, but you were too fascinated to look away.

Dr. Sam Beckett: Thank you. Thank you for your support!

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[Petra enters Sam's/Joe's dressing room, only covered with a towel]

Petra: Hi.

Admiral Al Calavicci: [delighted] Ophelia!

Dr. Sam Beckett: Petra, hi. Oh!

[he accidentally drops his own towel]

Petra: [also dropping her towel and throwing herself onto Sam] Joe! Oh...

Jane Lindhurst: [entering with her family] Joe!

Dr. Sam Beckett: Jane?

Neil: Mom.

Jane Lindhurst: [leaving] Ted!

Ted: [following her] Uh, Jane...

Admiral Al Calavicci: [still drooling] Ophelia.

Liz: Neil!

Dr. Sam Beckett: Oh, boy.

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