Sam: I'm in a soap opera!
Al: We prefer Daytime Drama.
Sam: We...? You watch this stuff?
Al: Well, Tina had me watching some of this stuff when I was down with the flu, and Sam, *everybody*...
Sam: I know
Al: ...is sleeping...
Sam: I know
Al: ...with *everybody*!
Sam: I know!
Al: Ziggy had a new data search component installed and we had to have it shipped in from Hong Kong and I think that gave a little jet-lag to the modem of the floppy disk.
Sam: Why do you make this stuff up all the time? Why don't you just say to me, 'Sam, we don't know.' Why don't you just do that for once, instead of making it up all the time?
Al: Well, that wouldn't be any fun.
Sam: Do you know what I have to do today? I have to have lunch with some woman, who won this... soap detergent contest!
Al: Well, look at it this way, at least she'll be clean! Have a nice lunch!
Sam: [after a conversation with Kyle's agent] Did you hear that? He wants to take what happened to me here, and put it on the show!
Al: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No I heard, yeah.
Sam: Is that ethical? It can't be ethical!
Al: No, it's television.
[Sam is being held at gunpoint by his kidnapper's dotty, elderly mother]
Sam: You don't have to keep that thing pointed at me, you know.
Millie Reynolds: How can I shoot if it ain't pointed at you?
Sam: That's a good question, Mrs...
Millie Reynolds: [sweetly] Reynolds. Mildred Reynolds. You can call me Millie, everybody does.
Sam: Well, Millie, I'm not sure you understand what's happening here. Your daughter has put herself in a very dangerous situation.
Millie Reynolds: Looks to me like you're the ones in a very dangerous situation.