- [Balki pulls up Larry's eyelids. After a second Larry lets out a scream and they both jump a mile]
- Larry Appleton: Don't you ever... EVER... do that again!
- Balki Bartokomous: [clutching his chest] Don't worry!
- Larry Appleton: What were you doing?
- Balki Bartokomous: Trying to see if you were alive!
- Larry Appleton: Well, obviously, I am!
- Balki Bartokomous: And that makes me happier than a tick on a sheepdog!
- Larry Appleton: Well, that makes it a red letter day for me, too!
- [He gets up and starts to walk around the couch, not noticing the rope tied to his ankle, which is pulling taut]
- Balki Bartokomous: Are you going to stay mad at me long?
- [Larry stops just short of the rope pulling tight and walks back to Balki to answer]
- Larry Appleton: No, I am not going to stay mad at you. It's just that you... you... you scared me!
- [Once again Larry walks away]
- Balki Bartokomous: A hero can be scared?
- [Larry stops just short again and doubles back]
- Larry Appleton: Oh... not... not scared... but uh... uh... surprised. Look, Balki, I know you're only trying to take care of me and I appreciate the thought, but this has got to come to an end.
- [He walks away and the rope pulls taut, yanking him off his feet]
- Balki Bartokomous: You're a hero.
- Larry Appleton: Well, for what? For running out into the street and throwing my body between you and certain death? Well, maybe a small hero.
- Balki Bartokomous: No, Cousin, take it from me... you're a big one!
- Balki Bartokomous: Cousin Larry just did a great thing!
- Mr. Donald "Twinkie" Twinkacetti: Ooh, what'd he do? Tear up your green card?
- Balki Bartokomous: This man, Larry Appleton, just saved my life!
- Mr. Donald "Twinkie" Twinkacetti: Why?
- Larry Appleton: Look, let me go over it again. You come through the window...
- [He motions to the window]
- Larry Appleton: ... You wake him up
- [He motions to a sleeping Balki, whom the burglar peers over at]
- Larry Appleton: ... Threaten me. When he asks what's going on you scream in terror, beg him not to hurt you and run. Do you think you can handle that?
- Burglar: This some kind of hospital or something?
- [the burglar pushes Larry towards Balki]
- Balki Bartokomous: You can't do that to Cousin Larry!
- Burglar: Yes, I can!
- Larry Appleton: Yes, he can.
- [the burglar pushes Larry again]
- Balki Bartokomous: You do that again and you're in big trouble!
- Larry Appleton: Balki, if the man wants to shove me, let him shove me.
- Burglar: There, you heard it!
- [He pushes Larry again; this time he falls back against Balki and they both sit down briefly on the sofabed before bouncing up again]
- Balki Bartokomous: If you do that one more time, I'm not responsible!
- [the burglar rolls his eyes and pushes them both down again. Again they bounce back up]
- Balki Bartokomous: Why do you keep doing that?
- Burglar: Because I'm the one that's got the gun.
- Balki Bartokomous: Give me that!
- [He snatches the gun and points it at the burglar]