Peep Show (TV Series)

Local Zero (2004)

David Mitchell: Mark Corrigan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Mark sees Sophie with Jeff] 

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  Uh-oh, bollocks. Giggling, sharing. Shall I intervene? No. It's fine, it's totally fine. Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see. If she fucks him, I'll kill myself.

• [Johnson, who thinks Mark is an alcoholic, discovers him in a pub with Sophie, having a pint of lager] 

  Mark Corrigan : It's not what it looks like! It's only a pint!

  Johnson : Only a p... it's never only a pint.

  Mark Corrigan : I didn't even want it, Sophie bought it for me, I asked for a coke.

  Sophie Chapman : No, you didn't.

  Johnson : You know what I'm hearing, Mark? Poor me. Poor me. Pour me another drink!

• [Mark has just seen himself on the local news being falsely shown as a lager-swilling yob] 

  Nancy : Mark, don't worry. These things, they happen for a reason. It might not seem like there's a plan, but there is a plan.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, right. You believe in a god, do you?

  Nancy : Yes, I do. And you might find it a comfort at a time when...

  Mark Corrigan : [looking through the phone book]  Nancy, there's no evidence for God, whereas Ofcom has published guidelines.

  Nancy : So does God. It's called the Bible.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, yes, the Bible. And I wonder what the Bible's view is on you doing it in the shower and the garden centre and up the bum. I mean, that's alright, is it? That's in the Bible, is it? Or do you think maybe that's NOT in the Bible?

  Jeremy Usborne : Mark!

  [to Nancy] 

  Jeremy Usborne : I'm sure it is in the Bible, somewhere. Probably in Corinthians, there's a load of weird shit in there.

• Nancy : [watching the news]  Bad news, bad news, bad news. Jesus, Jeremy, one bus crash. What about all the buses that made it safely to their destinations, huh?

  Jeremy Usborne : Yeah! Yeah, this is such bullshit.

  Mark Corrigan : Yes, I suppose the news should just be a dispassionate list of all the events that have occurred the world over during the day. That would be good. Except of course, it would take forever!

• [Mark is trying to provoke Jeff into hitting him, so the office security cameras can pick it up] 

  Mark Corrigan : Stolen any good cars lately, Mr Scouser? Where's your native wit now, eh, Mr Stupid?

  Jeff Heaney : Watch it, mate!

  Mark Corrigan : Come on, Jeff, let's get down to it shall we? You stupid, stinking chicken fucker!

  [Jeff tries to leave the room but Mark blocks the doorway, making a chicken noise] 

  Mark Corrigan : Ooh, those chickens really love it when that big rooster Jeff comes-a-calling!