Augustus Hill: Aw, fuck.
Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: What?
Augustus Hill: You farted.
Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: No, I didn't.
Augustus Hill: Pee-fucking-yoo.
Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: I didn't fart.
Augustus Hill: Damn, man. Five hours 'til dawn, and I gotta be in a glass box with the King of Stink. I'm gonna get Gulf-fuckin'-war syndrome.
Tobias Beecher: [to Schillinger] Whatcha readin'? Mein Kampf? Well, let me tell you how it ends. The Aryans get their asses kicked!
Tobias Beecher: Who are you?
Agamemnon Busmalis: Agamemnon Busmalis, aka The Mole.
Robert Rebadow: The Mole?
Agamemnon Busmalis: I dig. I can dig anywhere. I'm gonna dig my way out of Oz.
Tim McManus: Said, the Muslims weren't represented at the council meeting.
Kareem Said: If this council has real power, then we will participate.
Tim McManus: Well, how do you mean?
Kareem Said: Do we get to make policy or do we simply rubber stamp yours?
Tim McManus: This is a prison, not a democracy.
Peter Schibetta: [about O'Reily] All rats know when to desert a sinking ship. He's a smart one, but a rat just the same.
Augustus Hill: I tell you, I don't belong with those three clowns, man. They're crazy! Especially Beecher. I mean, forget all that shit he did to Schillinger. Beecher bit off some fucker's dick.
Tim McManus: I know. That was ten months ago.
Augustus Hill: Oh, yeah, well, then that's ok. I gotta share a pod, McManus. I gotta sleep with one eye open.
Tim McManus: Sister Peter Marie says he's responding to therapy.
Augustus Hill: Well, then let her bunk with him.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: She leaves you in here alone?
Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: Why? What do you think i'm gonna do? Start a Riot? Take Hostages?
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Ryan... you may have breast cancer.
Ryan O'Reily: [laughing] That's funny.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: I'm not kidding.
Ryan O'Reily: ...Breast cancer?
Ryan O'Reily: Girls get breast cancer.
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men do too. It's rare, especially at your age, but it does happen.
Ryan O'Reily: I'm not a fag you know that?
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Ryan...
Ryan O'Reily: No! I've been in this shithole for over a year and I ain't ever taken it up the ass!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: No one is saying that you have.
Ryan O'Reily: Bullshit! You're telling me I gotta CHICK'S DISEASE!
Dr. Gloria Nathan: Men have breasts, same as women.
Ryan O'Reily: What the fuck are you talking about? I don't have any breasts! I have a chest, see! See it? Huh, see it?
Warden Leo Glynn: [Inmate Kenny Wangler started a fight in class] I want Wangler in the Hole!
Tim McManus: It's not that he wouldn't read, he couldn't read, the kid can't read Leo.
Warden Leo Glynn: So that excuses his behavior?
Tim McManus: No, it gives us insight as to how to help him.
Warden Leo Glynn: McManus, 150 years ago, it was against the law for a slave to learn to read but some did, you know why because they had a thirst for it, Now the reverse is also true, you cannot force someone to learn how to read!
Tim McManus: I can try.
[Glynn lets McManus keep Wangler in Em City]