Open All Hours (TV Series)

Shedding at the Wedding (1981)

Ronnie Barker: Albert Arkwright

Quotes 

• Granville : [while ironing Arkwright's new suit]  They're a lot easier to press than your old pair. Oh dear, they were so shiny that trying to iron them was like takin' a bob-sleigh down the Cresta Run.

  Albert Arkwright : Yes, they were a bit a-, sl-, slippery towards the end.

  Granville : Yeah, towards both ends.

  Albert Arkwright : It's all them years of rubbing up against Nu-, Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.

  Granville : Hey, what happened to that old suit of yours, anyway?

  Albert Arkwright : Oh, she made me give it to War on Want. There's some poor native tribesman in North Africa this very moment, no doubt, wearing a blue pin-striped suit, wonderin' why he keeps sl-, sliding off his camel.

• Granville : Do you realise that I have never been to a wedding.

  Albert Arkwright : [mock-seriously]  I know, I know. Your m-, mother had the same problem.

• Albert Arkwright : [reading his newspaper]  It says here that the Scotland Yard are looking for a vary s-, small man with one eye. If he's that small, you'd think they'd use b-, both eyes, woudn't ya!