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Quotes

[first lines]

Mrs Warboys: What's this? More paraphernalia?

Margaret Meldrew: [reads] 'Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents'. Some survey or other. I thought I'd fill it in while we're waiting for the x-rays.

[reads]

Margaret Meldrew: 'Give a brief description of how the accident occurred.'

Mrs Warboys: A garden shed fell on him.

Margaret Meldrew: I put: Rotting timbers collapsed on head while dismantling old outhouse in rear garden.

[reads]

Margaret Meldrew: 'Was the accident unavoidable or due to the patient's carelessness?'

Mrs Warboys: Carelessness. Put stupidity. That was asking for trouble in anyone's book, unscrewing all the nails in the building before you've taken the roof off.

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[last lines]

Victor Meldrew: Seventy-two hours of non-stop madness, misery, and mayhem, beyond all belief.

[sighs]

Victor Meldrew: At least we've escaped from the worst horror of all.

[Victor opens the door and enters the living room]

WilfredMildred: Surprise, surprise!

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Margaret Meldrew: We'll be out tomorrow evening with Jean at the BBC.

Victor Meldrew: Ye-es. I expect she's booked us into another real side-splitter, has she? Like the last show I went up there to see, it was supposed to be a glitter evening at Television Centre; the most exciting moment was urinating next to Peter Sissons.

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