Jim Halpert: At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me.
Dwight Schrute: [next scene] Did you get your tickets?
Jim Halpert: To what?
Dwight Schrute: The gun show.
[lifts up his sleeve and kisses his arm]
Jim Halpert: [back to interview] And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him but only in ways that would get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says, "No, Jim, here's a way."
Michael Scott: No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. As a doctor, you wouldn't tell a patient that they had cancer.
Pam Beesly: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.
Dwight Schrute: Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me.
Jim Halpert: You are not going to believe this.
Dwight Schrute: What? I believe it.
Jim Halpert: Well, tensions were high in the kitchen.
Dwight Schrute: I could tell from the body language.
Jim Halpert: [in the kitchen] That looks good. What is it? Turkey?
Jim Halpert: Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion. Provolone...
Jim Halpert: Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off.
Dwight Schrute: Good. Let 'em. That's fine. It helps our cause.
Jim Halpert: Well, I don't know, because if Kevin's in Accounting and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking...
Dwight Schrute: They're forming an alliance.
Toby: [back in kitchen] I love their sandwiches.
Jim Halpert: I love their sandwiches too.
Kevin: Their bread's really good.
Jim Halpert: Their bread is very good.
Dwight Schrute: [back outside] Damn it. God. Gah!
[kicks car and car alarm sounds]
Jim Halpert: Okay, listen. We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off.
Dwight Schrute: God damn it! Why us?
Jim Halpert: Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong!
Dwight Schrute: So, what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?
Phyllis: Well, for decorations, maybe we could - it's stupid, forget it.
Phyllis: Oh, I was just gonna say maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind.
Angela: No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. What color do you guys think?
Phyllis: Well, there's green... blue... yellow... red.
Pam Beesly: How about green?
Angela: I think green is kind of whoreish.
Dwight Schrute: I'm a deer hunter, I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer? They have very good vision. One thing about me? I'm better at hiding than they are at vision.
Michael Scott: You know, if I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself.
Michael Scott: I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside.
Dwight Schrute: She had a hysterectomy.
Michael Scott: Which one is that again?
Dwight Schrute: That's when they remove the uterus.
Michael Scott: Oh, God! Dwight, no.
Dwight Schrute: It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information is passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos, which puts me at a disadvantage because...
[picks up water bottle]
Dwight Schrute: I bring my own water to work.