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(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Laurie Freeman: A horrible man.

Norm Henderson: Laurie, listen, if you want me to go after him, just tell me and I will.

Laurie Freeman: I don't know what to do, Norm, he's just a bad man! But see, then I'm a hypocrite if I let you attack him.

Norm Henderson: Well, you shouldn't have to decide, you know. Well, let's let God decide.

[he stands up]

Norm Henderson: Ah, bow your head there is prayer, Laurie. Dear God, ah, listen. Ah, there's this bad man that I want to destroy, but ah, if you want me to resist the temptation and stay on thee path of righteousness, then ah, just give me a sign, any sign.

[a dove flies from out of nowhere and lands next to Norm, which Laurie and Danny don't see, so Norm shoves the dove in a drawer quickly]

Norm Henderson: No sign!

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Norm Henderson: I don't need a reading lamp in my living room, I don't have a toilet in there.

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Artie Henderson: Listen, man, the lamp is just the beginning. Next thing you know she's going to start brining all this girly stuff over to your apartment, you know, like doilies, curlers, and salad. then you wake up one morning and you got a cat. Is that what you want? A cat?

Norm Henderson: Nope, I don't want a cat.

Artie Henderson: Then comes the ultimatum.

Norm Henderson: Ultimatum? What ultimatum?

Artie Henderson: Well, she's gonna want a commitment, so she'll saying something like, "I'm tired of the city, it's dirty, I need a change", you know, and you'll say, "You don't need a change, stay!" and she'll say, "there's nothing here for me" and you'll go, "Well, what about me?" and three months later you're married, hiding in the bathroom with a fifth of Vodka, wondering if you can fire a shotgun with your toe!

[pointing down at one of Norm's feet]

Norm Henderson: Eh, don't take this the wrong way, Artie, but if I ever married, you know, I might ask somebody else to do the toast.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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