Christine Sullivan: [after a false alarm sets off a crazy emergency plan] Now hear this: I am not in labor, I just banged my knee on the table! Sheesh! I knew you guys would overreact, but please, there were cooler heads at the Ayatollah's funeral!
Harry Stone: Hey, it was just a way of getting you to the hospital quickly. A simple, rational plan.
[sound of helicopter overhead]
Helicopter Pilot: [over radio] Chopper One to Stone, Chopper One to Stone: we're ready. Over.
[embarrassed, Harry takes a walkie-talkie out his robes]
Harry Stone: Stone to Chopper One: false alarm. Over.
[Christine is stuck in the elevator, in labor]
Harry Stone: Is there room for a person to lie down in there?
Dan Fielding: Full-grown man, two women, and a midget with a camera.
[Trapped in an elevator with Buddy and Christine]
Harry Stone: Miss Sullivan, are you in pain?
Christine Sullivan: Yes! I'm having a baby!
Harry Stone: Well, you can't have it in there!
Alexander Tobin: That's what I'm trying to tell her!
Harry Stone: Who are you?
Alexander Tobin: I'm Alexander Tobin, and I'm being held against my will by a pregnant woman and a *lunatic!*
Harry Stone: ...Buddy?
Buddy Ryan: Hi, son! Don't worry about us, we're having a ball!
Christine Sullivan: I've already chosen my birth music. It's called "Songs of the Humpback Whale."
[She plays a tape. Bull spaces out, staring away]
Court Clerk MacIntosh 'Mac' Robinson: Bull, are you all right? Bull!
Baliff Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: [shakes his head] Remind me, I have to call Mom.
Buddy Ryan: [Seeing Christine pregnant for the first time] Is it my imagination, or is Christine developing a beer gut?
Harry Stone: I don't know how much time we have, Bull. See if you can find a doctor anywhere in the building!
Harry Stone: And Roz, you go find someone who can fix this elevator!
Bailiff Rosalind Jane 'Roz' Russell: Uh-uh. Christine needs me. I'm her Lamaze coach, remember?
[Christine yells again from inside the elevator]
Dan Fielding: I'll go, I'll go! But promise me you'll tell me if she uses any four-letter words!
Christine Sullivan: Buddy? Is that you?
Buddy Ryan: [takes off his sunglasses and looks into a hand mirror] By golly, it is!
Christine Sullivan: Well, Dan, all I can say is, I am not afraid of a little pain.
Dan Fielding: Well, whatever you say, Christine...
[Christine gasps and seizes Dan's wrist in a death grip]
Dan Fielding: EEEE! EEEE! EEEEE-EEEEEE-EEEEE!
Buddy Ryan: Ah, the love theme from "Psycho."
[not knowing she's in labor, Tony proposes to Christine while she's trapped in the elevator]
Christine Sullivan: YES!
Tony Giuliano: Christine, that's terrific! So you'll be my wife?
Christine Sullivan: I'M GONNA HAVE YOUR BABY!
Tony Giuliano: Of course you are! Someday.
Dan Fielding: How's today sound?
[another scream of pain]
Tony Giuliano: You mean, she's...?
Tony Giuliano: Mine?
Tony Giuliano: But we only, uh... got together once.
Entire Crowd: We know.
Christine Sullivan: [after her first contraction in the cafeteria] Buddy, could you help me to the elevator? I may be further along than I thought.
Buddy Ryan: How can you tell?
[she holds up a mangled fork]
Buddy Ryan: Right.