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"Night Court" All You Need Is Love (TV Episode 1984) Poster

(TV Series)

(1984)

Quotes

Judge Harry T. Stone: Any questions?

Dan Fielding: Just one. How? How did you get appointed to the bench?

Judge Harry T. Stone: You know, Dan, that's a funny story. It was the mayor's last day in office, and it was a Sunday. And my name was at the bottom of a list of a thousand candidates. So they start calling folk, starting at the top of the list, but, you see, it's Sunday so no-one's home. So they keep calling down the list, name by name; no-one answers. Finally they get down to the bottom of the list and... voila.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: You mean you were appointed a judge because...

Judge Harry T. Stone: I was home.

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[first lines]

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: The judge will be here any minute. Are you finished painting?

Painter: [staring out the window] Yeah.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: Well, then, what are you doing?

Painter: I'm watching the naked couple in the building across the alley; they're fooling around.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: That's depraved.

Painter: Too soon to tell.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: I meant you. How would you like somebody watching you and your wife doing that?

Painter: My wife won't do that.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: Out!

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Court Clerk Lana Wagner: Any sign of the new judge?

Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Not yet. Say, Lana, what's this guy supposed to be like?

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: I don't know. Our ex-mayor just filled all the vacancies in the court on his last day in office. Nobody knows who was appointed or where they were assigned.

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Judge Harry T. Stone: [to courier] Sorry I don't tip. Besides, how do I know you're not the type to go out and spend it on a Barry Manilow album?

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Judge Harry T. Stone: This could go either way.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: Yes!

Judge Harry T. Stone: Unless...

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: What?

Judge Harry T. Stone: No, I guess it's got to go either way, don't you think?

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Dan Fielding: Your Honor, this is highly irregular.

Judge Harry T. Stone: Thanks.

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Bailiff Selma Hacker: I had a husband just like that.

Nostradamus 'Bull' Shannon: Oh, yeah?

Bailiff Selma Hacker: Yeah. I had to shoot *him* too.

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Judge Harry T. Stone: [to Lana] I own every record Mel Tormé ever made.

[Lana just stares at him]

Judge Harry T. Stone: I'm going to marry the girl that's impressed by that.

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Judge Harry T. Stone: Thanks a lot for being patient with me tonight; I am new here, you know.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: Yeah, we noticed.

Judge Harry T. Stone: You know, my name was at the bottom of that list of prospective judges because I haven't had much experience really. But, every candidate does go through a thorough screening process, and whatever anybody thinks of that list, I *was* on it.

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[last lines]

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: About my job...?

Judge Harry T. Stone: Give me one more chance, huh.

Court Clerk Lana Wagner: It would be an honor to call you Harry!

Judge Harry T. Stone: Then it's fortunate I have that name.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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