Dave: Look, it's only a birthday present. It just means I'm glad you didn't die partway through the year.
Jimmy James: You know, despite what Joe says, I think the boat is sinking.
Dave: Well, that's what I've been saying all along. What made you come around?
Jimmy James: Well, I think it was when Joe drowned.
Bill: Hello, Jim. You're not looking too well.
Lisa Miller: He's dead.
Bill: Oh, well then he looks great.
Dave: I realized that there were some things in life that you can't find in the afterlife.
Lisa Miller: Like love?
Dave: No, coffee. Speaking of which, do you have any?
Lisa Miller: Love?
Dave: No, coffee.
Lisa Miller: No, I don't. Sorry.
Dave: Well, then what's the point?
[Sinks back down]
Lisa Miller: Sorry I'm late. My chambermaid couldn't get my corset laced.
Matthew Brock: I hear that.
Lisa Miller: Matthew, you wore a corset?
Matthew Brock: Not any more, I can tell you that much.
Dave: All I'm saying, and this goes for all of you, is that there have been iceberg sightings.
Lisa Miller: Icebergs? Please, Dave, get real.
Matthew Brock: [mocking] Look out! I'm a big old iceberg and I'm coming to get Dave!
Dave: Matthew, you're not going to find any icebergs with your nose buried in that nefarious scandal sheet.
Matthew Brock: Aw, gee whiz!
Dave: Matthew! What have I told you about swearing on this vessel? I will not have it.
Matthew Brock: Darn.
Matthew Brock: Shucks!
Dave: Well, I never!
Jimmy James: I have a date later with that Molly Brown chick from upstairs.
Dave: How's that going?
Jimmy James: Second base. I hear she's into the suffragist movement, so I'm guessing she's a little hot to trot.
Joe Garrelli: The hull alone is made of over 200 miles of duct tape.
Jimmy James: I thought we were going with steel for the hull?
Joe Garrelli: Steel isn't waterproof.
Bill: Hold that boat! I've got a heart condition, and I'm a woman!