Bill McNeal: Yes, thank you.
Fred: I wasn't offering you one.
Bill McNeal: Then why did you say cigarette?
Fred: I was talking to my friend, the cigarette. Cigarette, prepare to be smoked.
Bill McNeal: What's your real name?
Fred: Ullyses S. Grant, 18th President of the United States.
Bill McNeal: You're not president.
Fred: Well, obviously. It's just my name, not my job.
Dave Nelson: Bill, these people are insane.
Bill McNeal: Oh, really? Then how come they elected me Prime Minister of the 15th ward this morning?
Fred: It's your fault I lost my television privileges.
Bill McNeal: I didn't force you to impersonate a doctor.
Fred: But you sound just like the little voice inside my head.
Dave Nelson: Bill, you can't vacation in a mental hospital. It just isn't done.
Fred: Don't be so naive. You see, I have a very stressful job, so every six months I come here to relax.
Bill McNeal: See? I'm not the only one.
Dave Nelson: What do you do?
Fred: I'm an air traffic controller. It gets very stressful, so once a year I flip out and punch my fist through a radar screen, and I get sent here.
Bill McNeal: You mean you pretend to flip out.
Fred: No, I really do flip out.