- Bill McNeal: It's just a little harmless hazing. What's the big deal? And as far as hazing goes, pouring a pot of coffee and hot sauce on a guy's head is relatively mild!
- Lisa Miller: You put hot sauce in there, too?
- Bill McNeal: No.
- Bill McNeal: I remember one time in college - we got this pledge drunk, locked him in the trunk of a car, abandoned the car in a junkyard...
- Dave Nelson: [as Bill laughs] And then?
- Bill McNeal: What?
- Dave Nelson: Well, how did he get out of the car?
- Bill McNeal: ...You know what? I gotta make a phone call.
- Dave Nelson: Wait a minute - this isn't one of your weird nephews, is it?
- Jimmy: No, no, no... yes. This is one of my normal nephews. I tell you, he's so normal he makes Richie Cunningham look like a crack-smoking porn freak.
- Dave Nelson: What is your problem with Walt, huh?
- Beth: Isn't it obvious, Dave? I have worked here for five years making next to nothing, and this guy waltzes in...
- Dave Nelson: He makes nothing.
- Beth: You see? Already he almost makes as much as I do.
- Bill McNeal: "Uncle Jimmy"? So now we're putting Jimmy's boy toys on the payroll?
- Dave Nelson: [taken aback] Bill - Mr. James does not have boy toys, alright? He is actually Mr. James' nephew. Alright?
- Bill McNeal: Oh. Because I thought...
- Dave Nelson: I really don't care what you thought.
- Lisa Miller: You look very... Casablanca-esque.
- Matthew Brock: Oh. 'Cause I was goin' for more of a Bugsy Malone look.
- Jimmy: I set him up with an entry-level position in one of my chemical plants.
- Dave Nelson: But, sir, Walt has radio in his blood!
- Jimmy: Radio, bauxite smelting - it's all the same, really.
- Bill McNeal: Read the papers. Corporate America is finally catching on to what fraternities and biker gangs have known for years: Hazing works!
- Bill McNeal: Come with me, my lad! A world of enchantment awaits.
- Walt: Where are we goin' first?
- Bill McNeal: A little place I like to call Craphouse Central.