Max: Johnny, Mr. James might be going to prison. Why are we celebrating?
Dave: Care to take this one, Dave?
Max: Johnny wants Jimmy in jail. It is all part of his evil plan. You know, the evil plan I've been warning you about.
Johnny Johnson: Bingo.
Johnny Johnson: That's easy- I choose you.
Lisa: Aww... Johnny.
Johnny Johnson: And the empire.
Lisa: No. It doesn't work that way. It's me or the empire.
Johnny Johnson: All right. Lisa, have you ever noticed know how really good-looking guys with really nice cars get lots of dates? Now imagine: a really good-looking guy, nice car, and an empire. You do the math.
Jimmy: Johnny, it's not for me to say, but I think you're making a big mistake.
Johnny Johnson: Jimmy, PLEASE don't tell me how to run your business- which again is now mine.
Jimmy: Oh, Johnny, by the way, you know when I told you you'd lost some weight?
Johnny Johnson: Yeah.
Jimmy: Well, I lied, you look like hell. Go find a treadmill, you fat son of a bitch.
Max: Mr. James, I would just like to say that, unlike some people here, I never fell for Johnny for a second.
Dave: That's a lie. You've been jumping around Johnny like a trained monkey.
Max: Quick question. Who here doesn't like a tattle tale? Show of hands.
Max: Mr. James, I just want you to know I am no longer friends with Johnny. I cannnot be friends with some one who would hurt you so badly.
Jimmy: That's good, Max.
[Johnny Johnson passes by]
Max: Hey, boss. Hot towel?
[gives Johnny a towel]
Max: [to Jimmy] It's lukewarm at best.
Johnny Johnson: While you were on the lam, your board of directors elected me CEO.
Jimmy: That's impossible. My board of directors would never do that.
[Johnny gives him a folder; looks inside]
Jimmy: Of course, I didn't think my board would have naked hot tub orgies. So you blackmailed them, did you?
Johnny Johnson: No, I bribed them. I gave a naked hot tub orgy.
Lisa: Mr. James, how do you respond to the accusations that you are celebrated hijacker D.B. Cooper?
Jimmy: I will beat the white devil by any means necessary.
Lisa: I'm sorry?
Jimmy: I've been reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X. Remember, kids. Fight the power! Also, I want to give a little shout out to all my peeps in lockdown, and University of Florida Gators rules! All right, let's do this.
Max: Why was I not invited to the anti-Johnny Johnson movement?
Dave: Because you love him.
Dave: Sir, did you really have a plan, or was all that just dumb luck?
Jimmy: Dave, what you call dumb luck was really... let's go get that drink.
Jimmy: Where is Johnny?
Dave: In there, waiting like a lamb to slaugther.
Jimmy: Want me to slaughter him?
Dave: Yes, please.
Jimmy: All right. The Angel of Death has spoken. You may watch if you like.
Jimmy: Here's my plan. I will get back my empire from Johnny... someway... somehow.
Dave: That's your plan?
Joe: Awesome plan, dude.
Jimmy: Thank you.
Matthew: I know a way to make it even awesomer. One, you get back the empire, and two, you take us all out for banana splits afterwards.
Johnny Johnson: What's on your mind?
Joe: This is not about what's on my mind. It's what's on my iron fists.
Johnny Johnson: So you're going to beat me out of this office, huh?
Joe: Yeah, and it's a shame, too, because in a different world, you and me could've hung out.
Johnny Johnson: [pulls out nunchucks] Is nunchucks okay?
Joe: [pulls out his own pair of nunchucks] See? I told you we could have hung out.