The New Statesman: Season 2, Episode 3

The Wapping Conspiracy (29 Jan. 1989)

TV Episode  |   |  Comedy
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Title: The Wapping Conspiracy (29 Jan 1989)

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Episode cast overview:
Jerome Willis ...
Sir Austin Periam
David Stoll ...
Arthur Cox ...
Ronald Barrett
Paula Jacobs ...
Labour Woman MP
Victor Lucas ...
Debbie Killingback ...
Cheryl Miller ...
Kim Benson ...
Berwick Kaler ...
Geoff Dicquead
Peter Woods ...
Richard Whitmore ...


B'stard is named and shamed as a filthy pervert who has sex with under-age girls by 'Times' reporter Ronald Barrett so he sues him and takes him to court with Sarah helping to assume the roles of a devoted couple. When Piers proves to be a useless prosecutor B'stard conducts his own cross-examination, getting Barrett to admit that he doctored the photos which are all false, because he was jealous of B'stard. B'stard wins substantial damages but afterwards it transpires that the entire case was a money-making scam between Barrett and B'stard though when Barrett threatens to declare the fact B'stard sues him for defamation of character. Written by don @ minifie-1

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29 January 1989 (UK)  »

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House of Commons Speaker: Thank you, my lord, the court is now alive to the sound of music. But to continue on to the more somber melodies we are forced to sing down here, and particularly to Tracy Hobson, age 15. Pamela Green, age 15 and a half. And Ralph. A cross-bread bearded collie. Age unknown.
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User Reviews

Alan's ging gang goolie gang bang!
29 November 2010 | by (Ambrosia) – See all my reviews

It looks as though eight episodes of 'The Goodies' will be on B.B.C.-2 over Christmas. Fantastic news. I expect they will probably be ones already out on D.V.D. but never mind. I hope those tuning in for the first time will bear in mind it was a product of a different televisual era, and not start whinging about it 'not having aged well'. I've just recently revisited the Basil Rathbone/Nigel Bruce 'Sherlock Holmes' pictures of the '40's. They have not aged well either, but they're still good movies.

Unrelated Tangent Time over. Alan is showing some Girl Guides round the Commons when he gets into a spat with one after incorrectly identifying a bust of Joseph Chamberlain. The girl - who is plump and spotty - gives her name as Agnes Tebbit ( her uncle Norman was in Thatcher's Cabinet at the time ). B'stard automatically changes his demeanor. A few days later, a tabloid newspaper prints a story claiming that Alan has been sleeping with these girls ( and it is suggested a dog too ). To clear his name, Alan goes to Court, using Piers as his Defence Counsel and bribing Sarah to act the dutiful wife by promising to clear her credit card bill...

Yes, you guessed it, this is a spoof of the 1987 Jeffrey Archer libel case in which the aforementioned novelist successfully sued The Daily Star when it claimed he'd given £2000 to a hooker ( he had ). The senile old Judge swayed the Jury by pointing out that Archer could not possibly have wanted to sleep with another woman as his wife - Mary - was so amazingly beautiful. "Has she not fragrance?" was his famous phrase. The Judge here makes a similar comment about Sarah.

Interesting to hear Alan admitting that the trial was just another way for him to make a few bob in libel damages. Some of the amounts paid out over the years in real-life cases have bordered on the obscene.

Alan's having sex with under-age girls probably would not get on television now.

Berwick Kaler makes his debut as hack journalist 'Geoff Dicquead' ( pronounced 'dick-head' ).

Two ex-B.B.C. newsreaders - Peter Woods and Richard Whitmore - make fleeting appearances.

Funniest moment - Alan conducting his own masterful defence to cheers from the Girl Guides up in the gallery.

1 of 3 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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