The New Statesman (1987–1992)
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The Irresistible Rise of Alan B'Stard 

All hell breaks loose when B'Stard decides to interfere with the mountains of untaxed cash lying hidden in the Channel Islands.



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Episode cast overview:
Terence Alexander ...
Sir Greville
John Warnaby ...
Political Editor
Claude Chagrin
Sandy Walsh ...


As ever sensing, or rather manipulating, the mood of the moment B'stard engineers an election when the prime minister resigns. Both Labour and Conservative are split into two factions, pro-Europe, represented by Sir Greville for the Tories, and the Euro-sceptics, led by B'stard. The Euro-sceptics win when B'stard has presented a film allegedly showing the French invading the Channel Islands but B'stard himself does not have a constituency and Labour leader Paddy O' Rourke is elected the new prime minister. This is of no consequence to B'stard, who declares himself the Lord Protector of Britain. Written by don @ minifie-1

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26 December 1992 (UK)  »

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User Reviews

Alan's moment of glory finally arrives
25 August 2011 | by (Ambrosia) – See all my reviews

'The New Statesman' bowed out with a final instalment in which Alan conceives a Machiavellian plan to seize power in the U.K. Firstly, he hires arty French film maker 'Claude Chagrin' ( Vincent Grass ) to shoot a wartime invasion movie on the island of Sark, conning the public into thinking it has been overrun by the French because of present-Government policy on Europe. He persuades Piers to introduce a bill in Brussels outlawing offshore tax havens ( if only someone would do this in real life. There would be no need for the kind of draconian cuts Cameron is presently proposing! ). The Tory Party falls apart. At their party conference, Alan makes a strong case for pulling Britain out of Europe. They love him, and P.M. Major ( anyone remember him? ) resigns. Alan stands on a patriotic ticket, he even conducts his campaign from inside Churchill's Wartime Bunker...

Marks and Gran recognised the show had run its course. Previous series had ended with Alan either seemingly dead or stranded in the Gulag but this terminated with his election to No.10. A terrifying prospect indeed - a man with no experience of the real world whose life has been one of luxury and privilege dictating to us. It would never be followed through. Alan's next appearance would be on 30/12/94 in 'A. B'Stard Exposed', a B.B.C.-1 programme which basically consisted of a 30-minute interview with Brian Walden ( of 'Weekend World' ). Neither Piers nor Sarah appeared. No mention was made of Alan's stint in No.10, so presumably it must have been mercifully short.

Funniest moment - Alan and Sarah playing a lovey-dovey couple in a Party Political Broadcast. They borrow Piers' baby for the occasion. Says Sarah: "Oh dear, he's just done a Douglas Hurd!" ( Cockney rhyming rhyme, in case anyone does not know! ).

Despite Season 4 proving mostly disappointing, it is a pity the series ended here as the next few months were to prove positively hellish for the Tories. Just think how much comic mileage the writers could have extracted from the Scott Report, the E.R.M. fiasco, Chancellor Norman Lamont using public money to evict a tenant from one of his properties, Dame Shirley Porter's gerrymandering, John Redwood's leadership challenge and, oh yes, all those M.P.'s caught with their fingers in the till and trousers down soon after Major said it was time to get 'Back To Basics'.

Alan was later revived in a West End play which saw him defect to 'New' Labour. Marsha Fitzalan returned as 'Sarah' but sadly Michael Troughton did not reprise 'Piers'. More recently, Alan was seen earlier this year in a P.P.B. in the run-up to the referendum on Voting Reform. A character conceived originally as a caricature of the 'me first' Tories being exploited by them for propaganda purposes. How ironic.

R.I.P. John Howard Davies, the man who got 'The Goodies', 'Reginald Perrin' and 'Monty Python' started, amongst others.

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