The New Statesman: Season 4, Episode 2

H*A*S*H (29 Nov. 1992)

TV Episode  |   |  Comedy
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While Piers Fletcher-Dervish is dealing with the ins and outs of political life, Alan B'Stard is somewhat put out to find himself indebted to his wife Sarah.


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Episode cast overview:
Terence Alexander ...
Sir Greville
David Cardy ...
Dutch Commissioner
Robert Jezek ...


B'stard is now the MEP for Otto's old constituency of Obersaxony and is approached by Sir Greville, who has interests in Big Tobacco and wants B'stard to persuade Piers to have cannabis legalized so that the cigarette companies will profit. Discovering that Sarah is now a high class hooker B'stard bribes her to have sex with the members of Piers' European Commission so that they can be compromised into voting for legalisation. However he is abducted by the Mafia whose business interests will suffer if legalization goes ahead and so the bill fails to get passed. Not only does B'stard lose a sizeable bung from Big Tobacco in the process but discovers that the 'Mafia' were actors hired by Sarah to get her revenge on him. Written by don @ minifie-1

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29 November 1992 (UK)  »

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References M*A*S*H (1972) See more »

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User Reviews

Alan gets hard on drugs
13 January 2011 | by (Ambrosia) – See all my reviews

No sooner does Alan become an M.E.P., than he has to vote in an upcoming debate on drugs. The E.U. is widely expected to decriminalise them. He is keen for them to stay illegal, but gangsters wanting to keep their business intact abduct him and rough him up. To ensure the Commissioners all vote the same way, Alan has Sarah - now working as a high-class prostitute - sleep with every one of them. Alan discovers she is in league with the gangsters...

For me, the decision to relocate Alan ( and Piers ) to Brussels in Season 4 was a mistake. We all know ( or should know ) how our Parliament works, but the goings-on of the E.U. are an unfathomable mystery to most of us Brits. Poor Sarah. Having had her lover murdered and her money stolen, she is forced now by circumstances to go on the game. She does seem to enjoy it though. Note Alan's phone calls to 'Squidgy'. That was the nick-name the late Princess Diana gave herself when talking by phone to Major James Hewitt.

Funniest moment - Sir Greville expressing pride for his country as he and Alan stand beside a life-size model of the Houses of Parliament. His stirring patriotic speech is spoiled slightly by Alan unzipping his flies and urinating on Big Ben!

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