DiNozzo: [about to enter and arrest a suspected murderer] Just stay behind me and follow my lead.
Special Agent Ziva David: I'm not a probie, Tony. I have been in a few of these situations.
DiNozzo: Not with me.
Special Agent Ziva David: So? I have not had sex with you either. Would that make me a virgin?
NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The boys down at tech call her "Energizer Abby". She needs an assistant.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: She works her best alone. Something you should ask her about.
[Ziva and Tony are eating Chinese takeout at his desk]
DiNozzo: Chow's gettin' cold, McGee.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: No time. I've got to find out where all this "Naughty Naughty Neighbors" website money went, because if I don't, Gibbs might actually decide to kill me this time.
DiNozzo: He has an excellent point.
[interviewing "Naughty Naughty Neighbors" webmaster, who lives in his mother's basement]
DiNozzo: [holding back laughter] Is your mother wondering why we're here?
Carter Finch: ...I kind of told her this was for a job interview.
[Tony and Ziva both crack up laughing]
DiNozzo: I'll be in the car!
Charles 'Chip' Sterling: Ms. Suiuto?
Abby Sciuto: [taken by surprise] Whoa! That was quieter than Gibbs!
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: [striding into Abby's lab] Whaddaya have, Abbs?
Abby Sciuto: Um, a PhD in porn? I spent the last six hours searching through webcam files trying to find a lead and I have consumed more porn than Tony has in his entire lifetime.
Abby Sciuto: K, maybe not, but I have watched a LOT of smut.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Ya learn anything?
Abby Sciuto: I'm not nearly as flexible as I should be.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Anything about the case?
[patented Gibbs stare]
Abby Sciuto: Right. I was getting to that.