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"NCIS" Probie (TV Episode 2005) Poster

(TV Series)

(2005)

Quotes

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [frustrated, barks loudly at Ziva and Tony] Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on here? First, Abby's "lab nerd" frames DiNozzo for murder, and then McGee kills a cop? Did somebody break a mirror?

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: [talking to Tony after he killed an undercover cop] Tony, I'm not like you guys. You were trained as a cop. Gibbs was a Marine sniper. Kate protected the President of the United States. God only knows what Ziva did with Mossad. My background is biomedical engineering, and computer forensics. I don't think I'm cut out to be a field agent.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [trying to cheer McGee up] First time I shot at someone... I wet my pants.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Really?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Really... If you tell anyone that, I will slap you silly.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs shoots a suspect after McGee freezes] If you ever hesitate because you second guessed yourself again, I'll take your badge! We clear?

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Officer Ziva David: [laughing] You - you who won't share a Krispy Kreme doughnut - you are going to give up a kidney?

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: He was a metro detective. He was working undercover. I killed a cop, Boss.

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Officer Ziva David: They're going to interrogate McGee this afternoon. Request was approved by the Director.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And you know this how?

Officer Ziva David: I'm a spy, remember?

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[last lines]

Abby Sciuto: I ran every test I could think of. The slugs are too damaged. There's no way to tell who fired the kill shot... Does it really matter?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Yeah... It matters.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So he shot him from behind the wheel.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wrong, Boss!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ziva, slap him.

[Ziva gleefully smacks the back of DiNozzo's head]

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[spelling his name to a secretary at the sperm bank]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Big "D", little "I", big "N", little "ozzo."

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Abby handcuffs McGee to a table] Well, where did you get these?

Abby Sciuto: [cheerfully] Never leave home without them!

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: DiNozzo being nice to me, means I'm *really* in trouble.

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Officer Ziva David: [Tony asked if she misses the excitement of being a Mossad spy] You've seen too many James Bond movies. It's not all about car chases and sex.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It wasn't?

Officer Ziva David: Well, there was a lot of sex.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So, a doppleganger is someone who's pissed.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Yes, Agent Gibbs, this one definitely is...

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [interrupting] Why?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Why! Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't countermand you... you overruled me!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [disgusted sigh] Semantics!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is that like doppleganger?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get a dictionary!

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Officer Ziva David: McGee stumbled across something, misread it, and overreacted.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not McGee. His brain's like a computer... It's scary. I'm sure proceedures and regs warp sped through his processor before he pulled the trigger.

Officer Ziva David: It happened so fast... you don't have time to think.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We're talking about a guy who has protocols and checklists for brushing and flossing.

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] You ever "Gibbs-slap" me again, David, and I will slap you back harder!

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NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The CNO's aide called me a 7 a.m. this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me...

[notices Gibbs a pecular look on Gibbs's face]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What are you thinking about?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Paris.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro.

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NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I'm flashing back to Paris, in '99

[pause while Gibbs has a flashback of kissing Jen in Paris]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Not what you're thinking!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No... then what?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I remember you covering for another agent... who messed up.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What agent was that?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You know damn well what agent.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh, you mean the time you shot that guy.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You are a junior Director!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: That's enough Special Agent Gibbs!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You need to learn how to say "no".

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I do know how to say "no". Or don't you remember?

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NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Don't give me the *stare*!

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Officer Ziva David: You sold your sperm?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Stop looking at me like that, I was a freshman in college.

Officer Ziva David: There are little teenage DiNozzos running around somewhere? That's frightening.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I never thought about it, 'til this morning. I got a registered letter from the sperm bank telling me to contact them as soon as possible.

Officer Ziva David: Why?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I don't know!

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still here?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: No, I'm the director's doppelgänger.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never did know what that meant.

[Someone walks in to elevator, awkward silence ensues]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Night.

Assistant: Goodnight.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So a doppelgänger is someone who's pissed?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Yes, agent Gibbs, this one definitely is!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Why? Because you countermanded me in front of Metro Police.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't countermand you, you overruled me!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [Scoffs] Semantics.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is that like doppelgänger?

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get a dictionary!

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NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: The CNO's aide called me a 7am this morning. Admiral Chapman wants to know what's going on. He asked me...

[notices Gibbs a peculiar look on Gibbs's face]

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What are you thinking about?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Paris.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Get your mind out of the bedroom, Jethro. Let's get some answers.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You are a junior Director!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: That's enough Special Agent Gibbs!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You need to learn how to say "no".

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I did say "no" Jethro. Or have you forgotten?

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[Ziva doubts whether McGee is telling the truth about what happened]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [leans in and whispers] McGee isn't Ari, and he isn't your father. He doesn't know how to lie.

[walks away]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What did he say?

Officer Ziva David: That we should keep looking.

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[Ziva reports that Halligan has already flown to Morocco]

Special Agent Timothy McGee: I killed a cop arresting a drug lord?

[walks out]

Officer Ziva David: His goose is cooked.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [glumly] You would get that one right.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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