Fran Fine: Niles, you old Scrooge. Get into the Christmas spirit.
Niles: Spoken by one who doesn't have to clean it all up.
Fran Fine: Oh, that's the thing about Hanukkah: eight candles and a Menorah. No fuss, no muss.
Niles: Is it too late to convert?
Fran Fine: Never! We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah and of course a circumcision.
Niles: Suddenly I'm filled with the Christmas spirit.
[Grace, Brighton, Maggie and Niles are sitting in a row on a pew in a church, where they have to speak in hushed voices due to the solemnity of their surroundings]
Grace Sheffield: [to Brighton] Where's Fran going?
Brighton Sheffield: [to Maggie] Grace wants to know where Fran's gone.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Niles] What's with Fran?
Niles: [to Maggie] She's gone to confess.
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [to Brighton with a confused look on her face] She went to play chess.
Brighton Sheffield: [to Grace] She went to undress.
[Grace is totally confused]
[for a Christmas present, Maxwell has given Brighton a bicycle kit, the bicycle which Brighton has to build himself]
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: [about a gift for Brighton] He really wanted Cindy Crawford.
Brighton Sheffield: At least she's built.
Fran Fine: [to a Priest in a confessional] Forgive me Father, for I have shopped.
Priest: I don't know the penance for that. I suppose you could say ten Hail Macy's.
Fran Fine: [back from ice skating] Kids, take your wet clothes off and put them in the hamper.
Niles: No wet clothes for you, Miss Fine?
Fran Fine: I didn't fall.
Grace Sheffield: She didn't skate.
Fran Fine: Look Gracie, Santa took a bite out of the cookies we left him.
Grace Sheffield: I didn't know Santa wears red lipstick.
Fran Fine: The man gets out of the house once a year, live and let live.
Fran Fine: [opens Maggie's homemade present which is a big material sunflower] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: It's a pajama holder.
Fran Fine: Ahhhh! And I don't already have one.
Niles: Because you don't wear pajamas.
Fran Fine: You have just dusted your last keyhole, mister.
Val Toriello: Are you hanging up stockings?
Fran Fine: No, I thought we'd use a pair of my Hanes because then we get doubles.
Maxwell Sheffield: [Fran's helping decorate the tree] Miss Fine, what do you think you're doing?
Fran Fine: I'm putting a tinsel on.
Brighton Sheffield: [gasps] Not before the lights!
Fran Fine: Did I make a faux pas?
Margaret 'Maggie' Sheffield: Lights go on first, then ornaments, and tinsel is always last.
Grace Sheffield: Daddy's very anal about decorations.