- Bartender: All right, but I didn't know anything about any whacks. Zeppo said he owed him some money.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, right, and I'm an Indian Princess.
- Nicky Costantino: I called it in Anonymous. Anonymous. Th-That word not in your vocabulary?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, Bright Eyes, you want anonymous, don't use your own phone. You know we trace incoming calls here.
- Det. John Kelly: [after being told they will have wear their uniforms soon] What's the detail?
- Lt. Arthur Fancy: A Parade. Broadway on Broadway. People from the Broadway musicals preforming their songs on the street.
- [He rolls his eyes as he walks away]
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: [With a weary smile] We're going to be hip-deep in leotards.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: [while handing over the witness to the D.A. Detectives who let him escape] Hey guys, here's a little tip; you know, WE try to alternate the guys who are asleep. We try not to have both cops asleep in a motel room at the same time. That way the guy can't vault over your shoulders out the transom.
- Det. John Kelly: I don't wanna wind up a liar with this girl, Andy.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, I like to keep a promise to a witness once a year. Just to remember the feeling.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Hey, Nick, didn't you play the Elephant Man in that school play? Let me hear you say this with your nose all clogged: "I'm not an animal, I'm a human being."
- Zeppo Marchansky: Woah, woah, woah, you made a mistake! I got one of these faces. People think I'm somebody else. Happens all the time.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the same problem. A woman stopped me on the street the other day. She says, "Bob, I thought you were just marvelous in 'The Sting.'"
- [during uniform inspection before their parade detail]
- Sgt. Vincent Agostini: Careful where you point that thing while you're out on the street, Detective.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: What are you talkin' about?
- Sgt. Vincent Agostini: Your uniform. Those buttons poppin' off could be lethal weapons.