ADA Sylvia Costas: I'd say res ipsa loquitur if I thought you knew what it meant.
Andy: [grabbing his crotch] Hey, ipsa this, you pissy little bitch!
Alfonse Giardella: Lois has got people down in Orlando. She thinks she's moving down there.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah? Did you tell her she could work Disney World?
Alfonse Giardella: Say something smarter then that, Sipowicz. You're gonna be dead a long time.
Det. Andy Sipowicz: I'd rather be dead than walk around with that mop on my head!
Det. John Kelly: When was the last time you tried going on the wagon?
Andy: When was the last time you tried growing tits?
Andy: [flapping Alphonse's toupee on his head while holding a gun to his throat] Mr. Wig says, "Alphonse has to go outside now."