- [Andy is on the phone with the Bureau of Criminal Information]
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: [on the phone] Do I think you're happy about it? I don't think you're sittin' in a puddle of tears. Let me ask you this question: what is your record this month for the longest period that computer has *not* been down?
- Det. Bobby Simone: Andy, when are we gonna get those rap sheets?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: [on the phone] Yeah, I heard of the term "mutual respect." You ever heard the expression, "kiss my ass?"
- Det. Bobby Simone: I'm gonna go take the guy in One.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, I'll take Two when this guy's done explaining respect concepts.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Yeah, well, Arnold, why don't you leave me your card, and I'll be in touch the second your comfort becomes important to me, hmm?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Landlord says this Teniqua broad's up in 3-G, and would we please remind her her rent check's a week overdue?
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: You ready to go to jail, Toby, huh? Lose your good job at the Video Barn?
- Toby Ray: I didn't do nothin'!
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: No, you didn't do enough.
- Toby Ray: Hey, look man, why don't you come into the store. I'll get you "Forrest Gump." We've got a ten-day waiting list!
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Think about jail.
- Toby Ray: Hey, what about "Lion King"?
- [while Martinez belts out an off-key, drunken rendition of "My Way" at Andy's bachelor party]
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: Medavoy, promise me something.
- Det. Greg Medavoy: Andy, I *will* take care of your fish.
- Det. Andy Sipowicz: No. If this goes more than two choruses, I want you to blow my head off.