- John Agar: There's gotta be a scientific explanation for all of this.
- Crow T. Robot: I believe the Elf Princess put them there.
- [the albino soldiers flee instantly from the flashlight]
- Tom Servo: It's a civilization of elderly great-aunts.
- John Agar: But what about you, Adad? When do you sleep? Or do you?
- Adad: I sleep, when my sleeping time comes.
- John Agar: Your sleeping time? But how are you able to tell?
- Mike Nelson: [as Adad] Whenever you speak.
- John Agar: But you're in danger!
- Mike Nelson: [as Agar] I'm John Agar!
- Adad: Danger? Why?
- Tom Servo: [as Agar] Because I have bouts of pomposity.
- John Agar: Because, we're different from your people. They fear us and may try to harm us. You're different too. And if you're with us, it might remind them.
- Mike Nelson: [as Adad] Um, you really lost me there.
- [someone is credited as "music supervisor"]
- Mike Nelson: Now, he's not a musician, but he's a hell of a good administrator.
- Mike Nelson: Man, why do I talk so much in front of those guys? I mean, it's like every time I open my mouth, I just act like I know it all! All I want to do is tell them how much I like them, but then when I talk, I say all this stupid stuff. I don't know, maybe I'm just insecure... But I *do* know a lot! Why shouldn't I talk?
- [Earthquake causes a tablet to break]
- Mike Nelson: Well, you probably shouldn't have put the world's oldest artifact on a CHEAP CARD TABLE!
- Crow T. Robot: [to the female love interest] Haven't I told you before that you're not a servant? Now go get me a beer!
- Girl: You will take me with you?
- Tom Servo: Um, I'd like to, honey, but I'm a gay, married, impotent priest with a terminal illness and occasional herpes and I'm a hologram on the run from the law.
- [John Agar finds Adad strumming lightly on a ukelele]
- John Agar: Did you learn that song as a child?
- Mike Nelson: [as Adad, annoyed] I'm tuning it!
- [Mike and the Bots provide the inner monologues for our heroes as they listen to an avalanche in the distance]
- Tom Servo: I just realized that my life is a lie!
- Crow T. Robot: Make something up. State it firmly, even arrogantly!
- Mike Nelson: I'm still pissed at Beaumont!
- Roger Bentley: [talking about an avalanche] This mountain's hundreds of square miles in area. You're only occupying one square foot. Sitting here is a lot safer than crossing Times Square.
- Tom Servo: Well, at least in Times Square you've got Sex World.