My Family (TV Series)

Ghosts (2002)

Zoë Wanamaker: Susan Harper

Quotes 

• Ben : Susan, I told you, I don't like you going on the internet.

  Susan : Oh, because you're my moral guardian?

  Ben : No, because you drop bits of toast between the keys.

• Nick : Dad, I'm going to need some money to buy petrol.

  Ben : No, you don't. You haven't got a car to put petrol in.

  Nick : Yes, I have - yours. I'm using it as a minicab.

  Ben : Why don't you buy your own petrol?

  Nick : Why should I? It's your car.

  Ben : Susan, I'm sorry. I can't talk to him. Would you say something to him?

  Susan : OK. Nick, can you give me a lift to the office?

  Nick : Pleasure, mum. Would that be family rate or senior citizen?

• Alexi : [Holding a bouquet]  These just come for you!

  Susan : Oh, God!

  Alexi : What? They are beautiful, no?

  Susan : No, that's the problem. The last time Ben sent me flowers, he'd just run over the cat!

• Alexi : No, no, no, no. Flowers not from husband. From a man named 'Kark'.

  Susan : 'Kark'? Oh, my God! Not Kirk Mason? I haven't seen him in years!

  Alexi : Just out of prison.

  Susan : No, he's just an old... friend.

  Alexi : [laughs]  Oh, crikey!

  Susan : What, 'oh, crikey'? He's just a friend!

  Alexi : It's just in my village, one flower means friend. Two dozen means he wants to have eight children. Starting tonight.

• Susan : I had a bit of a surprise today.

  Ben : Really? Janey return a cheque saying 'we were too generous'?

• Susan : You know I put my name on OldPals.com?

  Ben : Susan, I told you I don't like you going on the internet.

  Susan : Oh, because you're my moral guardian?

  Ben : No, because you drop bits of toast between the keys.

• Ben : Well, who's Kirk Mason, then? Was he one of your one-night stands?

  Susan : I didn't have one-night stands!

  Ben : No. You'd never let a bloke get off that lightly!

• Susan : I've just seen the guy who dumped me 28 years ago and he doesn't look like he's suffered for one single second! It's not fair! He looks like Dorian Gray and I look like the portrait in the attic!

• Susan : Well, you see, this man wants to have an affair with me and he asked me for my mobile number and I panicked and yours was the only one I could remember, so I gave him yours.

  Janey Harper : Mum? You're having an affair? What took you so long?

• Susan : The years have not been kind to Kirk Mason.

  Ben : You know what they say, darling? Some men mature into fine wine, others turn into vinegar.

• Susan : I'm sorry, Ben, but I'm... I'm petty.

  Ben : I, er... I don't know what to say, Susan.

  Susan : Well, I'm not very proud of myself.

  Ben : I mean, why be petty with him? You've got me to be petty with!

  Susan : I know. And I'm very petty with you! And it's good! It's really good! But with Kirk, it's... it's different.

  Ben : Don't I give you enough opportunities? Good God, woman! I let you be petty with me at least, what, nine, ten times a day! That should be enough for any normal wife! But not you, Susan! No, you know what you are? You're... you're insatiable!

  Susan : I know.

  Ben : I just want you to put a stop to this right now!

  Susan : OK, Ben. I'm sorry. I'll keep all my petty, vindictive, mean-spirited impulses just for you, from now on!

  Ben : Good! Good! Can we put this whole Kirk saga behind us, yeah?

  Susan : Yes. Providing you never wear your socks again in bed.

  Ben : Oh, you drive me wild, you petty little minx!