Alice Cooper: [talking to The Devil on a two way radio] Hello, Boss? No, no I didn't make a sale. Uh, listen do I get any commission on hourly rentals?
[flames shoot out of the radio in response]
Alice Cooper: Whoa, touchy!
Kermit: [Alice Cooper is the guest star; candle is walking on his desk unaided] It wasn't this scary when Julie Andrews did the show.
Sam the American Eagle: Mr. Cooper.
Alice Cooper: [turns abruptly to face him, wearing much goth make-up] Yes?
Sam the American Eagle: Oh, good grief! Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty freako!
Alice Cooper: [smiling] Why, thank you!
Sam the American Eagle: Freakos: One. Civilization: Zero.
Scooter: [Alice Coper is in his dressing room surrounded by a group of demonic-looking characters] Uh, sir? I think there's something you should know.
Alice Cooper: Yes?
Scooter: These monsters aren't ours!
Alice Cooper: I know. They're mine!
[he and the monsters laugh, Scooter runs off yelling]
The Great Gonzo: [offstage] This is the voice of doom!
Kermit: Sounds more like the voice of Gonzo.
[Gonzo appears in a cloud of smoke, holding a paper]
Kermit: Gonzo, is that the contract from the devil?
The Great Gonzo: No, Kermit, it's worse than that. This is the bill from special effects.
Statler: So that was Alice Cooper?
Waldorf: You should see his sister James Fenimore.
[they both laugh]
Kermit: William Tell act, onstage, let's go.
William Tell: D-d-d-don't sh-sh-sh-shout at me it m-makes me n-n-n-nervous!
Sam the American Eagle: Mr. Cooper...
Alice Cooper: Yes?
[Sam loses composure for a second, then continues]
Sam the American Eagle: Let me come right to the point. You, sir, are a demented, sick, degenerate, barbaric, naughty, freako!
Alice Cooper: Why, thank you!
Sam the American Eagle: Freako's one, civilization zero.
[Alice licks finger, marks a score]