Waldorf: I think I should see a doctor.
Statler: Why do you say that?
Waldorf: I'm beginning to like the show.
Candice Bergen: She was so unsophisticated, she thought Marcello Mastroianni was an Italian soup.
[entire panel laughs hysterically except for Sam]
Sam the American Eagle: You mean it isn't an Italian soup?
Mildred: And he calls himself a world traveler?
Sam the American Eagle: No, now wait, I have been to restaurants where I've ordered Marcello Mastroianni, and I've gotten it.
Candice Bergen: Really? What did you get?
Sam the American Eagle: A swarthy, good-looking man sitting in a bowl. I always send him back.
Candice Bergen: What do you get when you order a Russian dressing? Rudolf Nureyev putting on his tights?
Miss Piggy: Kermit, do you notice that every time we have a beautiful girl on the show, you forget about me?
Kermit: Uh, yeah, well, we could have a seal act on the show, and I might forget about you.
Miss Piggy: He tries so desperately to hide his love for me.