Susan: ERK teaches you how to love yourself.
Franklin Delano Bickley: I bet you got an A.
Mindy McConnell: Mork, you've been acting awfully strange lately. I mean, more strange than usual.
Mork: Oh, you've noticed.
Mindy McConnell: Noticed! How could I help it? Like, yesterday you spent all day walking and talking backwards.
Mork: Well, that's all behind me now!
Mindy McConnell: Mork, why are you doing all these strange things?
Mork: To cheer you up.
Mindy McConnell: But I'm not sad.
Mork: Well, you will be after you hear the news that I have to tell you.
Mindy McConnell: What news?
Mork: That I've got orders from Orson. I've been transferred to another planet and I'll never ever see you again.
Mindy McConnell: [sitting down in shock] What?
Mork: [bravely] Well. You've got to look at the good side. You're not losing an alien, you'll... you're gaining an empty room!
Mork: You don't have to be sad on account of me.
Mindy McConnell: How can I help it? You're being sent off to some remote corner of the universe. I don't even know where.
Mork: It's not that far away. It's just the other side of the universe, and it's a Sigma 7 Galaxy. It's a troubled planet called Cirrhus.
Mindy McConnell: Why would you want to leave here? Are you unhappy? Is it something I've done?
Mork: Oh, no. It's something you have. Emotions.
Mindy McConnell: That doesn't make sense.
Mork: Oh, yes, it does. See, one day I'm going to have to leave the Earth, and it's going to hurt you very much. And I've only been here a few months, and look how you feel. Imagine what it would be like after ten years. The longer I stay, the harder it'll be for you.
Mindy McConnell: Well, what about you?
Mork: [he gives a fake little laugh and deepens his voice] Me? The cosmic Charles Bronson?
Franklin Delano Bickley: I was blaming it on you, but it's time I faced it. I've lost it.
Mork: Well, we can form a posse and find it, if you want!
Franklin Delano Bickley: [glares at him] No, it's no use. They say your sympathy is the first thing to go. I used to be able to get tears out of a coat rack. Not anymore. Listen to this: "Your pet rabbit died / Poor little Muffet! / Your two choices are: / Eat it or stuff it."
[Mork thinks a real rabbit has died]
Mork: Aw, that's sad!
Mindy McConnell: Mr. Bickley, you're just going through a writer's slump. Mork is leaving for good!
Franklin Delano Bickley: Look, sister, Little Muffet ain't coming back, either.
Mork: Oh. None of us has a reason to be happy now.
Franklin Delano Bickley: [helping himself to their drinks] I'll drink to that.
[Susan bursts through the door, all smiles]
Susan: Knock, knock, knock!
[Her smile fades. Mork is slumped over, rubbing his ear. Mindy is slumped over, shading her eyes because of tears. Bickley is leaning on the counter, burying himself in a drink]
Susan: Well, what a group. Hear No Evil, See No Evil, and Feel No Pain. What's wrong with you people?
Franklin Delano Bickley: I've lost my talent.
Mindy McConnell: Mork is leaving.
Mork: The rabbit died.
Susan: You people have got to get ERK!
Franklin Delano Bickley: You've been irking me since you came in.
Susan: Mindy, listen. ERK would help you with your depression. And Mr. Bickley, you know, you could use some help with your drinking.
Franklin Delano Bickley: I drink fine by myself.
Susan: Oh, and Mork, I bet he could come up with something for you.
Mork: Yeah. That sounds exciting. Come on, Mindy!
[taking her hands and leaping up]
Mork: Let's not poop the party!
Susan: This is Ellsworth!
[Mork and Mindy stand up to shake hands, but Ellsworth ignores them]
Susan: Oh, Ellsworth, you know, we're so lucky to have a man like you, so unselfish - it's a special gift for...
Ellsworth: [interrupting her with a huge smile] Yes, excuse me, excuse me. Could you hold that thought just a moment?
Susan: [almost swooning toward him] Ohh, yes.
[Ellsworth, checkbook in hand, starts counting how many people are attending]
Ellsworth: Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Twenty bodies, twenty checks! Okay, we're all set.
[He puts his checkbook in his pocket]
Ellsworth: Now, what were you saying?
Mork: She was saying how nice it was that an unselfish man like you came all this way for a little thing like money!