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"Monty Python's Flying Circus" How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body (TV Episode 1970) Poster

Quotes

Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce. Michael Balwin, this is Bruce. And Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.

First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce, then?

Michael Balwin: No, it's Michael.

Second Bruce: That's gonna cause a little confusion.

Third Bruce: Yeah. Mind of we call you Bruce, just to keep it clear?

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Voice-over: [and animated title] How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body.

[the infamous Monty Python foot steps on the ground]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot] Number one - the foot.

[Cut to statue of Venus]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shoulder] Number two - the shoulder.

[Cut to a picture of the same Monty Python foot being used as a cigarette ashtray]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot] Number three - the *other* foot.

[Cut to side profile of unknown person]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at nose] Number four - the bridge of the nose.

[Cut to picture of man wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number five - the naughty bits.

[Cut to picture of arm bending]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at elbow] Number six - just above the elbow.

[Cut to close-up of another man wearing same Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at middle of shorts] Number seven - just two inches to the right of a *very* naughty bit indeed.

[Cut to shot of a knee of one of the characters in the next sketch]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at knee] Number eight - the kneecap.

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Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.

First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum.

Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce.

First Bruce: Well, Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, Your Majesty," he said.

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Fourth Bruce: Well, gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules. Rule one: No pooftahs. Rule two: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there's anyone watching. Rule three: No pooftahs. Rule four: I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out. Rule five: No pooftahs. Rule six: There is NO rule six. Rule seven: No pooftahs.

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[close-up of one of the Bruces' ears]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at ear] Number nine - the ear.

[cut to picture of big toe]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at big toe] Number ten - the big toe.

[cut to picture of another man wearing Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number eleven - more naughty bits.

[cut to full-length shot of a lady in Bermuda shorts and Bermuda bra]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow on each side of her body, one pointing at the bra, one pointing at the shorts] Number twelve - the naughty bits of a lady.

[cut to picture of a horse wearing Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number thirteen - the naughty bits of a horse.

[cut to picture of a tiny ant]

Voice-over: [with superimposed enormous arrow pointing at ant] Number fourteen - the naughty bits of an ant.

[cut to picture of Reginald Maudling with Bermuda shorts placed over his suit]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number fifteen - the naughty bits of Reginald Maudling.

[cut to close-up of a false hand sticking out of a sleeve]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at false hand] Number sixteen - the hand.

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The Announcer: [while stroking a pig] And so on and so on and so on. And now...

[Cut to picture of the Pope. Slight pause, so we think it might be something to do with the Pope. An arrow suddenly comes in above him pointing down at his head]

Voice-over: Number seventeen - the head.

[Cut to picture of a waist with a feather sticking out]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at feather] Number eighteen - the feather... rare.

[Cut to profile of Raymond Luxury-Yacht, from next sketch, who has an enormous false polystyrene nose]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at false nose] Number nineteen - the nose.

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[Animation of a racing car moving over a naked lady, passing a sign saying "Pit Stop". Close-up of armpits. Superimposed little white arow]

Voice-over: Number twenty - the armpits.

[Cut to picture of the back of a person]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at the back of the neck] Number twenty-one - the bottom two thirds of the nape of the neck.

[Cut to close-up of an old-fashioned radio]

Voice-over: Number twenty-two - the nipple.

[Superimposed arrow points at the tuning dial]

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Mrs. #1: Well, what's on the television then?

Mrs. #2: Looks like a penguin.

Mrs. #1: No no no no, I didn't mean what's on the television set, I meant what program...

Mrs. #2: Oh

[goes over and turns the set on, sits back down]

Mrs. #2: Funny that penguin being there, isn't it. What's it doing there?

Mrs. #1: Standin'!

Mrs. #2: I can see that!

Mrs. #1: If it lays an egg, it will fall down the back of the television set.

Mrs. #2: We'll have to watch that... Unless it's a male.

Mrs. #1: Whew, I never thought of that.

Mrs. #2: Yes. It looks fairly butch.

Mrs. #1: Per'aps it comes from next door.

Mrs. #2: [yelling] PENGUINS DON'T COME FROM NEXT DOOR, THEY COME FROM THE ANTARCTIC!

Mrs. #1: [even louder] BURMA!

[they both stop short, looking around]

Mrs. #2: Why'd you say Burma?

Mrs. #1: I panicked.

Mrs. #2: Oh. Per'aps it's from the zoo.

Mrs. #1: Which zoo?

Mrs. #2: [angrily] How should I know which zoo, I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky!

Mrs. #1: 'ow does Doctor Bernofsky know what zoo it came from?

Mrs. #2: He knows everything.

Mrs. #1: Oooh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life... Anyway, if came from the zoo, it'd have "property of the zoo" stamped on it.

Mrs. #2: No it wouldn't! They don't stamp animals "property of the zoo"! You couldn't stamp a huge lion!

Mrs. #1: [confidently] They stamp them when they're small.

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[after a penguin explodes on the TV set]

First Pepperpot: [referring to the TV Announcer] How did he know that was going to happen?

TV Announcer: It was an inspired guess. And now...

[Cut to picture of shin]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin] Number twenty-three - the shin.

[Cut to picture of Reginald Maudling]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin] Number twenty-four - Reginald Maudling's shin.

[Cut to an open-head picture]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at brain] Number twenty-five - the brain.

[Cut to picture of Margaret Thatcher]

Voice-over: Number twenty-six - Margaret Thatcher's brain.

[Superimposed arrow points at Margaret Thatcher's knee]

Voice-over: [Cut to a fairly wide still picture of cricket match in progress. Batsman, bowler, ring of fielders all have polka-dotted Bermuda shorts. Little arrows point to each pair of Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: Number twenty-seven - more naughty bits.

[Cut to picture of the cabinet at a table. Arrows point down below the table to their naughty bits]

Voice-over: Number twenty-eight - the naughty bits of the Cabinet.

[Cut to studio shot of the next set]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing from the top] Number twenty-nine - the interior of a country house.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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