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Memorable quotes for
"Monty Python's Flying Circus"
Full Frontal Nudity (1969)

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Second Hermit: Hello, are you a hermit by any chance?
Frank the Hermit: Yes that's right. Are you a hermit?
Second Hermit: Yes, I certainly am.
Frank the Hermit: Well I never. What are you getting away from?
Second Hermit: Oh you know, the usual - people, chat, gossip, you know.
Frank the Hermit: Oh I certainly do - it was the same with me. I mean there comes a time when you realize there's no good frittering your life away in idleness and trivial chit-chat. Where's your cave?
Second Hermit: Oh, up the goat track, first on the left.
Frank the Hermit: Oh they're very nice up there, aren't they?
Second Hermit: Yes they are, I've got a beauty.
Frank the Hermit: A bit drafty though, aren't they?
Second Hermit: No, we've had ours insulated.
Frank the Hermit: Oh yes.
Second Hermit: Yes, I used birds' nests, moss and oak leaves round the outside.
Frank the Hermit: Oh, sounds marvellous.
Second Hermit: Oh it's a treat, it really is, 'cos otherwise those stone caves can be so grim.
Frank the Hermit: Yes they really can be, can't they? They really can.
Second Hermit: Oh yes.
[Third hermit passes by]
Norman the Hermit: Morning Frank.
Frank the Hermit: Morning Norman. Talking of moss, er you know Mr Robinson?
Second Hermit: With the, er, green loin cloth?
Frank the Hermit: Er no, that's Mr Seagrave. Mr Robinson's the hermit who lodges with Mr Seagrave.
Second Hermit: Oh I see, yes.
Frank the Hermit: Yes well he's put me onto wattles.
Second Hermit: Really?
Frank the Hermit: Yes. Swears by them. Yes.

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Lionel the Hermit: [Fourth hermit passes by] Morning Frank.
Frank the Hermit: Morning Lionel. Well he says that moss tends to fall off the cave walls during cold weather. You know you might get a really bad spell and half the moss drops off the cave wall, leaving you cold.
Second Hermit: Oh well, Mr Robinson's cave's never been exactly nirvana has it?
Frank the Hermit: Well, quite, that's what I mean. Anyway, Mr Rogers, he's the, er, hermit...
Second Hermit: ...on the end.
Frank the Hermit: ...up at the top, yes. Well he tried wattles and he came out in a rash.
Second Hermit: Really?
Frank the Hermit: Yes, and there's me with half a wall wattled, I mean what'll I do?
Second Hermit: Well why don't you try birds nests like I've done? Or else, dead bracken.
Han the Hermit: [calling from a distance] Frank!
Frank the Hermit: Yes Han?
Han the Hermit: Can I borrow your goat?
Frank the Hermit: Er, yes that'll be all right. Oh leave me a pint for breakfast will you?...
[to hermit]
Frank the Hermit: You see, you know that is the trouble with living half way up a cliff - you feel so cut off. You know it takes me two hours every morning to get out onto the moors, collect my berries, chastise myself, and two hours back in the evening.
Second Hermit: Still there's one thing about being a hermit, at least you meet people.
Frank the Hermit: Oh yes, I wouldn't go back to public relations.
Second Hermit: Oh well, bye for now Frank, must toddle.

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The Colonel: Now, I've noticed a tendency for this programme to get rather silly. Now I do my best to keep things moving along, but I'm not having things getting silly. Those two last sketches I did got very silly indeed, and that last one about the bed was even sillier. Now, nobody likes a good laugh more than I do... except perhaps my wife and some of her friends... oh yes and Captain Johnston. Come to think of it most people likes a good laugh more than I do. But that's beside the point. Now, let's have a good clean healthy outdoor sketch. Get some air into your lungs. Ten, nine, eight and all that.

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Art Critic: Good evening. I'd like to talk to you tonight about the place of the nude in my bed... um... in the history of my bed... of art, of art, I'm sorry. The place of the nude in the history of tart... call-girl... I'm sorry. I'll start again... Bum... oh what a giveaway. The place of the nude in art.
[a seductively dressed girl enters]
Art Critic: Oh hello there father, er confessor, professor, your honour, your grace...
Girl: [cutely] I'm not your Grace, I'm your Elsie.
Art Critic: What a terrible joke!
Girl: [crying] But it's my only line!

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Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!

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Bed salesman: Did someone say "mattress" to Mr Lambert?

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