- Mr. Zero: I gave him the ability to play the harp... in return for a soul.
- Peter: You know, it was almost worth it.
- Mike: No, you didn't give him the ability to play the harp. You see... you see, Peter loved the harp. And he loved, he loved the music that came from the harp. And that was inside of him. And, eh, it came, uhm, it was... the power of that love was inside of Peter, eh, it was inside of him from the first. And it was that kind of power, that made Peter able to play the harp. And, eh, you didn't have anything to do with it at all.
- [the Monkees get a visual idea of Hell via a video romp to their song "Salesman" and are noticably shaken when they snap back to their house]
- Mike: So that's, uh, that's what...
- [Mike mutters the term Hell, but his voice is replaced by a cuckoo sound effect]
- Mike: ...is all about.
- Davy: Yeah.
- [cuckoo]
- Davy: ...is pretty scary.
- Micky: You know what's even more scary?
- Peter: What?
- Micky: [looking straight at the camera] You can't say...
- [We hear the cuckoo sound effect but can clearly read Micky's lips as he says Hell]
- Micky: ...on television.
- Narrator: Soul. Some say it's a man's heart or spirit. Certainly without it, we cannot survive. For no man can live without love.
- Davy: [holding the Bible] Ehm, can I interest anybody in taking a quick peek at this book here, it's been on the best seller list for many years.
- Judge Roy Bean: We don't read!
- Micky: Well, eh, you don't have to read the book, why don't we, we'll run the picture for ya, Three hours of glorious color on a full wide screen with stereophonic, eat popcorn, hm hmm.
- Mr. Zero: My dear boy, I appeared in that picture. The garden scene. I played the snake.
- Mr. Zero: Prosecution rests.
- Micky: Then the defense will rest also.
- [Micky whips a pillow to his head]
- Judge Roy Bean: Until what time would you like to rest?
- Micky: Until we think of something better.
- Mr. Zero: [picks up the hot line] This is himself. Make a reservation for one. I've just purchased the soul of a Mr. Peter Tork.
- Davy: I thought you were going to get rid of that thing.
- Micky: No, wait, he's really into it.
- Davy: But it takes up too much room.
- Micky: Show him, Pete.
- [Peter plays the harp, surprising Davy with his dexterity]
- Davy: [somewhat sheepishly] Uh, like I said, it's nice to have a harp around the house.
- Peter: Hey, do you think we can work it into the act?
- Micky: [dressed as a newsboy] Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Rock and roll group gains fame and fortune by introducing harp into act!
- Mr. Zero: Are you ready, Peter?
- Micky: Eh, no, no, he's not ready. You see, eh, well, he left his suit in the cleaners!
- Davy: And not only that...
- Micky: He's not ready to go!
- Davy: ...he, he's got to write a letter to his mother, haven't ye?
- Peter: I have a million things to do, couldn't it be tomorrow?
- Mike: Oh! I remember reading in the paper. why, that due to a lack of interest, tomorrow was canceled so we'll have to make it the day after tomorrow.
- Mike: And if you love music, than you can play music. And all it takes is just love, because eh, because baby, in the final analysis love is power. That's where the power's at!
- Mike: Come on, Micky. I mean, everybody knows that nobody in the world was ever an overnight success.
- [Mike answers the phone]
- Mike: Hello?
- Voice on telephone: Harris Booking Agency. I understand you guys have a harp act.
- Mike: [as Micky and Davy look on puzzled] A harp act. Uh, right.
- Voice on telephone: You're going to be an overnight success!
- Mike: [puzzled but not suspecting Zero has tipped off anyone] Uh, okay, uh thank you very much.
- Mike: [after hanging up the phone] Hmm, that's a flash.
- Micky: What?
- Mike: We're gonna be an overnight success.