- Ronnie Farnsworth: I beg your pardon, a gentlemen does not stare at a lady.
- Peter: A begger can look at a queen.
- Ronnie Farnsworth: I thought you gentlemen might like to know I found your music primitive, grotesque and ugly.
- Micky: But it sure keeps your foot tappin', don't it?
- [Plays a drum roll]
- Valerie Cartwright: Just thought I'd stop by and see what music you'll be playing at the party.
- Micky: Oh, well I thought we'd start out with, eh, 'Last train to Portrait'.
- Ronnie Farnsworth: [Having drawn moustaches on a picture of the Monkees] There, I told you, Valerie, I told you so. Now there is the waiter, there is the parkman and there is the toy salesman. A feeble plot to discredit me. Well, well, two can play at this game!
- [laughs]
- Micky: [as a stockbroker] You heard of the New York stock exchange?
- Valerie Cartwright: Why, yes.
- Micky: Well, he owns the New Tork stock exchange.
- Ronnie Farnsworth: Yachtsmen, brokers, tailors, hah! They are just fifth rate musicians.
- Micky: Third rate musicians!
- Mike: Would you believe that the Peter we all know and love has now turned into a wolf in sheeps clothing?
- Micky: Which just goes to prove: you can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. If you have enough good silk.
- Davy: Which proves more than ever, it's not how you play the game, it's whether you win or lose.
- Ronnie Farnsworth: You, uh, really get a big kick outta yourself, don'tcha?
- Mike: Yeah, well, I'm all I have.
- Ronnie Farnsworth: That's too bad.
- Valerie Cartwright: [Refering to Peter] Is he very wealthy?
- Micky: [Mickey as stock broker] WEALTHY? Why he smokes ten cigars a day and lights them with 100 dollar bills!
- Valerie Cartwright: That's an expensive habit...
- Micky: Well, not really, he gets the cigars wholesale.