[Davy accidentally knocks over a statue in a museum]
Mike: That thing was over a thousand years old!
Peter: Oh, well, thank goodness it wasn't new.
Duce: Did you draw this picture?
Peter: Yes I did.
Duce: You're a very talented boy.
Peter: Thank you. I play bass, too.
Duce: An artist and a musician!
Chuche: We should kill 'em both!
Duce: [Peter has painted a copy of The Laughing Cavalier, but has included Mike's wool hat] What's with the hat? The hat's not needed.
Peter: It's Mike's hat. It's knitted.
Duce: I know it's knitted, but it's not needed.
Peter: How did you know it was knitted?
Duce: I can tell it's knitted, but it's not needed.
Peter: Oh, for a minute I thought you knew Mike.
Mike: What are we doing eating breakfast with Mr. Schneider?
Davy: Well, Peter's not here, and we got lonely.
Mike: Peter's not - You mean he's not back from the museum yet?
Micky: Maybe he's in trouble.
Davy: Heh! How much trouble can you get into in a museum?
Micky: He's in trouble.
Davy: He's in trouble.
Micky: Excuse me, but I want to...
Artist: To be an artist? Heh! You could never be an artist. You have no beard.
Duce: Peter, what's the most important thing for an artist?
Chuche: He's got a point.
Duce: Shut up!
Duce: The most important thing for an artist is to suffer.
Chuche: [Chuche starts to tie up Peter in his chair] Hey, I'm suffering already.
Mike: Okay men, Mission: Ridiculous.
Mike: [narrating] Gathering our team of experts from the four corners of the earth, we'll be a taskforce of deadliness, efficiency and teamwork.
Mike: [Davy is seen climbing onto a rooftop] The Manchester Marauder.
Davy: [a duffelbag is thrown onto his head] Gee, thanks, Peter, I really needed that.
Peter: [of screen] That's ok, Davy, any time.
[Davy bumps into a pole, then grabs an antenna and gets a shock of electricity]
Mike: [resuming his narration] The Conneticut Counterspy combines nerves of steel, cool-eyed perseption and some fancy footwork.
Davy: [Peter knocks over a potted plant as he climbs on the roof] Peter, watch the pla- oh, it's not real anyway.
[Davy throws the fake plant over the railing]
Micky: [off screen] Ouch!
Mike: [still narrating] Their ability to make quick, irriversible decisions show why they were picked for this group.
[Peter bumps into the pole]
Mike: [Mike climbs up on the roof as his narration continues] The modest but towering Texan needs no introduction. His stoiclike ability to endure pain...
Mike: [Mike bumps into the pole] ... prove why he is a leader among men.
[Mike grabs the electricity pole but does not feel a thing]
Mike: Last, but not least, is the Los Angeles Leopard, known in Peoria as The Panther Man.
[Micky climbs onto the rooftop carrying the painting]
Mike: And somewhat hampered by a low resistance to the night air.
[Micky sneezes as the other three team members run up to him and shush]
Mike: He is the only weak link in our chain.