Donald MacDonald: What role shall I have?
Golly Mackenzie: I'm sorry Donald, but there is no role for the laird's uncle. I'm sorry.
Donald MacDonald: Oh, just as at Hector's inauguration. All I got to do then was stand around looking young, dashing and handsome.
Ewan Brodie: And all you get to do now is stand around.
Donald MacDonald: I had no idea your job was so boring. What's feudal duty exactly?
Paul Bowman: It's an ancient tax on the tenants. In theory they're still the vassals of the laird and they're supposed to pay me for the privilege of not working my land and fighting my wars.
Donald MacDonald: How much?
Paul Bowman: I don't enforce it. I'm all in favour of upholding traditions, but crucifying tenants isn't one of them.
Proctor Sheila MacDonald: Actually crucifixion was rarely the punishment for defaulting tenants. More often it was flogging, branding or merely a week in the stocks.
Proctor Sheila MacDonald: So you're renouncing the feudal duty. Such a shame. One more link in our ancient clan heritage lost.
Paul Bowman: Well maybe I should reintroduce the Highland Clearances as well? Evict all the tenants and replace them with sheep.
Chester Grant: It's just what the place needed. A good civil war.
Golly Mackenzie: What Donald knows about clan history you could tattoo on a midge's nipple.
Ewan Brodie: All right, Donald. Now concentrate. In 1545, Hamish of Toward took Honia McDougal to be his bride.
Donald MacDonald: Was that before or after he was gored by an elk?
Ewan Brodie: Look, why am I reading this if you're the one taking the test?
Donald MacDonald: Because this is how we learn our heritage, at our mother's knee. Though my mother's knees were probably hairier than yours.
Paul Bowman: What the hell is this, Donald? Feudal duty? You seriously want your tenants to pay you for not working your land?
Donald MacDonald: According to ancient custom, it's only a token amount.
Paul Bowman: Backdated 10 years. People can't afford this.
Donald MacDonald: I can't be blamed if certain former incumbents neglected to collect it.
Paul Bowman: This lord and vassal stuff is ludicrous. It's obsolete!
Donald MacDonald: On the contrary, it's the very cornerstone of lairdship. A cherished link to the past. I'm sure the peasants will be delighted to pay it.
Paul Bowman: Oh, keep this up Donald and the peasants will form a co-op and buy the land out from under you and then you'll be laird of naff all.
Donald MacDonald: I'm not worried by that rabble! Ha! Who will lead them?
Paul Bowman: Maybe I will.
Donald MacDonald: You're coming close to treason, dear boy.