- Stan Hooper: Who are we voting for?
- Lou Peterson: The mayor.
- Stan Hooper: Oh yeah? Who's running?
- Lou Peterson: The mayor.
- Stan Hooper: Well, who's running against him?
- Pete Peterson: No one. Well, no one ever does; what would be the point?
- Stan Hooper: Well, the point would be to give people a choice.
- Lou Peterson: People would just choose the mayor, they always do.
- Stan Hooper: Well, they always do because no one ever runs against him.
- Lou Peterson: Right - where are we loosing you, Stan?
- Stan Hooper: You're not loosing me, I'm just shocked; I'm shocked that-that here, in the heartland of American democracy, that people don't have a choice come election day. I-I mean this country was built on small-town elections; on two men standing on a bandstand in the village green airing their views so that the-the populace of that small town could choose a candidate that truly represents them.
- Ryan Hawkins: Everybody, I got the results.
- [coming into Stan's house]
- Stan Hooper: Oh, the results! H-h-how'd I do?
- Ryan Hawkins: I thought you should open the envelope yourself.
- Stan Hooper: Okay, here it goes, everybody.
- Molly Hooper: Okay.
- [excited]
- Stan Hooper: For mayor Griffin: one-hundred and seventy-four votes. For Stan Hooper... oh...
- Molly Hooper: You lost?
- Stan Hooper: Yeah.
- Molly Hooper: How close was it?
- Stan Hooper: It was two votes.
- Molly Hooper: You lost by two votes?
- Stan Hooper: I got two votes.
- Pete Peterson: Oh, hey! Woo! Wow!
- [cheering with the rest of the house full of people]
- Stan Hooper: What are you cheering for?
- Pete Peterson: You're two votes. Good for you!
- Stan Hooper: That's not good! I thought all you people were behind me! Now listen: I want to know who in this room voted for me.
- [every man in the room raises his hand]
- Stan Hooper: DAAAHHH! You're lyin'! Now I know I voted for myself, that's one. That means only one other person voted for me. I'm gonna ask you again: who voted for me?
- [every man in the room again raises their hands]
- Stan Hooper: You're liars! You're all liars! And stop eating! Don't eat my food anymore!