- Michael Anthony: [Anthony descends the stairs into a work room in the estate basement, where he discovers Tipton, seated in a high-backed wooden chair adjacent to a work table with various objects upon it. Only Tipton's right arm is visible to viewers] You sent for me, sir?
- John Beresford Tipton: Mike,
- [holding up an old fashioned lantern]
- John Beresford Tipton: who am I?
- Michael Anthony: [Skeptical] Why, you're Mr. John Beresford Tipton.
- John Beresford Tipton: No, no, I mean what character do I represent standing like this?
- Michael Anthony: Well, holding the lantern like that, you must be Diogenes, looking for an honest man.
- John Beresford Tipton: Quite a cynic, wasn't he?
- Michael Anthony: Yes, sir. He went to all that trouble just to show his contempt for his fellow man. But cynics have a habit of underestimating the human race.
- John Beresford Tipton: [Lowering the lantern back to the work bench] That's right, Mike. The modern counterpart of Diogenes would probably say that everyone has an angle.
- [Tipton hands an envelope to Anthony]
- John Beresford Tipton: Our next millionaire.
- [Anthony accepts the envelope, bows, and starts to depart]
- Michael Anthony: [At the office door of Frank Harrigan] Mr. Harrigan, my name is Michael Anthony.
- Frank Harrigan: Michael Anthony.
- [They shake hands]
- Frank Harrigan: How do you do, sir?
- Michael Anthony: Fine, thank you.
- Frank Harrigan: [Ushering Anthony in] Sit down.
- Michael Anthony: Thank you.
- [Anthony sits]
- Michael Anthony: Mr. Harrigan, I have a gift for you.
- Frank Harrigan: A gift? All right, what are you selling?
- Michael Anthony: Oh, nothing, Mr. Harrigan
- [Anthony reaches into his briefcase and produces a check]
- Michael Anthony: This gift is a cashier's check for one million dollars, tax-free.
- Frank Harrigan: [Examining check] Oh. Oh sure. Certainly, I was expecting you, Mr. Anthony.
- Michael Anthony: Expecting me?
- Frank Harrigan: Yeah.
- [Reaching into a cigar box]
- Frank Harrigan: Have a cigar. Have a couple.
- [Anthony accepts the cigars]
- Frank Harrigan: Now, tell me all about it.
- [looks at the check]
- Frank Harrigan: A million dollars, huh? Say now, Harry and the boys are really generous, aren't they?
- Michael Anthony: Harry and the boys?
- Frank Harrigan: Oh, I'm sorry, I... I'm not supposed to know.
- Michael Anthony: Frankly, Mr. Harrigan, I don't see how you could know anything about it.
- Frank Harrigan: Well, uh, let's say, uh, a little bird told me, huh?
- Michael Anthony: [Getting mildly upset] I assure you sir. Even a little bird could not have found out. This gift is from an anonymous donor.
- Frank Harrigan: Oh, sure, sure. Good old Harry Anonymous.
- Michael Anthony: [Becoming resolute] I'm sorry, I... I cannot reveal the name of the donor. Now, Mr. Harrigan
- [Producing a document]
- Michael Anthony: if you'll just sign this document pledging yourself, under penalty of forfeiture, not to tell anyone, except your wife, the exact amount of this gift or the way you got it.
- Frank Harrigan: Oh, okay
- [Harrigan signs the agreement]
- Frank Harrigan: I'll, uh, I'll go along with the gag. There you are. I hope it hands the boys a lot of laughs.
- Michael Anthony: [Putting the document back into his briefcase] Please believe me! This is *not* a gag!
- Frank Harrigan: Don't worry, Mr. Anthony, I'll pretend I don't suspect a thing.
- Michael Anthony: But Mr. Harrigan...
- Frank Harrigan: You know, I like you, Mr. Anthony. You go with it right to the bitter end. Have another cigar.
- Michael Anthony: You've already given me two.
- Frank Harrigan: Oh, that's a three-cigar performance
- [placing a cigar in Anthony's coat pocket]
- Frank Harrigan: if ever I saw one.
- [Ushering Anthony towards the door]
- Frank Harrigan: Thank you very much, Mr. Anthony. It's very nice meeting you, and thank you very much for the million dollars.
- Michael Anthony: You're very welcome, Mr. Harrigan, but...
- Frank Harrigan: [Literally pushing Anthony out the door] Goodbye now.
- Michael Anthony: Goodbye.
- Michael Anthony: [to the viewers] Frank Harrigan was a moderately successful businessman. But in becoming one, he had formed an inflexible philosophy. It was a shield against the world, against anyone who thought he could make a fall guy out of Frank Harrigan. As they often did on Saturday nights, Frank and Lil Harrigan had asked a few friends in.
- [first lines]
- Michael Anthony: [to the viewers] My name is Michael Anthony. Until his death, I was executive secretary to one of the world's richest men - John Beresford Tipton. He had what was perhaps the strangest hobby in the world, and one of the few fortunes large enough to indulge it. This is Silverstone, Mr. Tipton's fabulous 60,000-acre estate. Here, after his retirement from the world of business and high finance, he pursued this hobby, which was nothing less than, every now and then, giving away to a total stranger the sum of $1,000,000. And because he insisted on remaining anonymous, I was the man who actually delivered the check.