- [last lines]
- [DCI Barnaby has just discovered his pension fund is in trouble]
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Funny thing happened the other day, sir.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Go on, Troy, cheer me up.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Lord Chetwood put me on to this chap. He's a collector, he collects comics.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Really.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Anyway, he phoned up and asked me about 'The Hawk'; I've got 'em all, you see, from the first issue, and they're in *really* good condition. Anyway, this collector wants to buy them. And you'll never guess how much he's offered. It's amazing! Go on, sir, have a guess.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Sergeant Troy does sometimes make a stab at humor. This is not one of those occasions.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What?
- [pause]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: "The Hawk"? Well, well.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: My dad brought me the first issue when I was six and I just kept on buying it. It's become a sort of, um, hobby, you know.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And who exactly is The Hawk?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Well, he's this private detective who fights evil. And he can turn into a hawk at night. He's got this amazing night vision.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Can he fly?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Only when he's a hawk.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Extraordinary. You think you know someone.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: I never actually read it.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: No, of course not. Now, about the pensions, you've got yourself sorted out there, have you?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Oh, God, no, too young for things like that.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Obviously.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I'm Chief Inspector Barnaby. This is Sergeant Troy.
- Harry Painter: Harry the pool man. You'll have to excuse the whiff of chlorine. It goes with the job.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Everywhere I go in this village, you pop up.
- Harry Painter: Well, there's a lot of swimming pools in this neck of the woods, I'm happy to say.
- Sandra Bradshaw: Marjorie didn't think that Ginny was really PLU.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: So what's PLU.
- Sandra Bradshaw: People like us.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Moving on, are we Harry?
- Harry Painter: Yeah, I've had it with swimming pools. It's been a learning curve, though, I'll say that.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh yeah? And what have you learned?
- Harry Painter: The bigger your swimming pool, the less time you have to use it.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: That's deep.
- Harry Painter: He's good, isn't he, eh?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Yeah, he is. So, what's next, Harry?
- Harry Painter: Well, I haven't been entirely honest with you, Inspector.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Oh,really?
- Harry Painter: And I feel bad about it. You see, uh, where I said that I'd given up the stock market. Well, um, I haven't. A couple of years ago I got chatting to Tamsin and told her what I used to do. She told me about the reading club and asked my advice.
- [Chuckles]
- Harry Painter: Well, I just couldn't resist, could I?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Inside information, eh?
- Harry Painter: Hey, she didn't know I was using her. So yeah, I made a bit of money.
- Ginny Sharp: Selwyn said he'd leave Tamsin when the time was right. It's as old as the hills, that one, isn't it?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Indeed, it is.
- [first lines]
- Selwyn Proctor: I'm afraid I've got to drive off to town.
- Tamsin Proctor: What? Now, Selwyn?
- Selwyn Proctor: Bit of a panic on. Dow Jones closed two hundred points down. You go to bed. Till tomorrow evening. Honestly, this place is lit up like a damn Christmas tree; it all costs money, you know.
- Selwyn Proctor: [outside, on mobile phone] It's me. We're off. Usual place.
- Selwyn Proctor: I don't often see you in a skirt and makeup, Lavinia. Not unattractive, actually. They have excellent rooms here. Instead of shaking hands on the deal, we could, you know.
- Lady Lavinia Chetwood: Really, Selwyn. Certainly not.
- Selwyn Proctor: Well, no harm in asking. I always do. You'd be surprised how often it works.
- Sandra Bradshaw: Rupert, have we got an invitation to Marjorie's garden party, yet?
- Dr. Rupert Bradshaw: Not as far as I know.
- Sandra Bradshaw: Surely she's not left us off the list this year.
- Dr. Rupert Bradshaw: Pray God she has. Warm Pimms and rubber quiche in Marjorie's back garden is not my idea of fun.
- Sandra Bradshaw: It's not about fun. It's about making a mark in village life. You've just got no drive, Rupert, socially or professionally.
- Harry Painter: You okay?
- Tamsin Proctor: Yes, I'm fine.
- Harry Painter: Are you sure? You know you can trust me. I'm the pool man.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: 70 year old woman with a dodgy hip against two assailants. We're missing something here, Troy. How about the paperwork that was in the safe?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: It was to do with the reading club investments - statements and checkbooks... you know.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: No, I don't know.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Well, stuff to do with shares.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Stuff to do with shares. Is that from the business section of "The Hawk," Troy?
- Ginny Sharp: Well, I suppose we kept it secret because some of the men in Midsomer Market are a little behind the times. They like to wear the trousers where money is concerned. I'm divorced, thank God, so it's not my problem.