- [leaving courthouse]
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Where do they get these judges from? The man burgled his way through every village in the county.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Look, we catch the criminals; we offer up the evidence. Not everyone likes what happens in court. Maybe the judge was right; give the boy one more chance. Oh, look. A squadron of pigs over Causton.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: That's better Troy. Don't start discussing matters of the flesh with delicacy and discretion, they'll never know what you're talking about.
- Joyce Barnaby: Hello.
- Julie Fielding: Hello. I'm Julie Fielding and this is my brother, Sean. Is this where Chief Inspector Barnaby lives?
- Joyce Barnaby: Yes, it is, but I'm afraid he's at work at the moment.
- Julie Fielding: We've come a long way on the bus... about clues and everything.
- Joyce Barnaby: Well, you better come in. I'm sure I can get ahold of him for you.
- Sean Fielding: Are you Mrs. Inspector Barnaby?
- Joyce Barnaby: Yes, I suppose I am.
- Sean Fielding: I'm ever so hungry.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: He last saw his wife 8 o'clock yesterday morning. What about Bloxham? Was he here all day?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: On and off. Last saw Mrs. Bartlett at 12 o'clock noon on her way into the village. She was leaving the Harrington farm.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: And Bartlett was just about to go into court with this man, Harrington. Not the best time to drop in for a cup of coffee, was it?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Susan Bartlett only ever went to Bartlett farm when her husband wasn't around.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Do I detect a euphemism?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Bloxham reckons they were at it.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: That's better, Troy. Don't start discussing matters of the flesh with delicacy and discretion. I'll never know what you're talking about.
- James Harrington: You're wasting your time here. Don't husbands usually top the list of suspects?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: There's no one on the top of any list as yet, Mr. Harrington. Doesn't mean to say there would be. I may not know a lot about farming, but I'm very used to separating the sheep from the goats.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: If Julie did see the body, it was at least six hours before Mrs. Bartlett died.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Well, that gives us something to go on, doesn't it?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: What?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: It doesn't make any sense at all, does it? As I was walking up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish, I wish he'd stay away.
- Bernadette Sullivan: One of the intriguing things about English common law is that it's a mess. The further you go back, the bigger the mess.
- Simon Bartlett: I don't think a history lesson's gonna solve anything.
- Bernadette Sullivan: We don't need a solution, just the mess.
- Bernadette Sullivan: I'm not some criminal you've pulled in off the street, Chief Inspector...
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I find criminals in very unexpected places, Miss Sullivan. May even be, if Mister Bartlett isn't a suspect, you still are.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [to Bernadette Sullivan] I think you're under a misapprehension as to why you're here. You provided Simon Bartlett with a false alibi for the night of James Harrington's death. You don't need legal advice from me to understand the implications of that.
- Dr. Bullard: Tom, I know you're not a great believer in coincidences, but I was struck by where Mrs. Bartlett was found.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: In Setwale Wood?
- Dr. Bullard: Valerian's had various names in its long and ancient history, but in the Middle Ages it was called Setwale.
- [first lines]
- Julie Fielding: The children walked through the woods for hours and hours. The trees got bigger and bigger and it was getting dark. And there was lots of thunder, and animals made horrible rustling noises in the night. Foxes, wolves, and a huge big bear.
- Sean Fielding: There's no bears.
- Julie Fielding: There was then - with fangs to eat you.
- Bernadette Sullivan: What is the decent period for abstaining from carnal knowledge of your mistress when your wife dies? If she'd walked out of here, you'd have thrown a party.
- Simon Bartlett: It's not that simple.
- Bernadette Sullivan: Why not? Unless you killed her.
- Simon Bartlett: Of course I didn't kill her.
- Bernadette Sullivan: Well, you're a bit weak in the alibi department, darling. I only hope you can convince Barnaby.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: You do admit he wasn't there.
- Bernadette Sullivan: I made a mistake.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Not something a distinguished lawyer should make mistakes about.
- Bernadette Sullivan: I made mistakes much dumber than that. I believed a weak man was something else. I believed he wasn't still in love with the dull, stupid woman he married.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: I need to have a look around the farm, Mr. Harrington. I haven't got a search warrant.
- James Harrington: Help yourself, officer. Inside, outside. There are no bodies that I can call to mind, but you never know.
- [pause]
- James Harrington: Oh, just one thing. You won't leave a mess, will you?
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Mrs. Bartlett had a computer... um, laptop. You weren't aware of it?
- James Harrington: Can't say as I was. She did bang on about the web - gynecological advice on the web, tarot card readings. Not my sort of thing. There's enough bullshit in Midsomer Worthy without scouring the planet for this stuff.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I have to ask these questions, Mrs. Harrington, to make sense of things.
- Caroline Harrington: You find people's lives make sense, do you? It'd be very nice if they did. It's not my experience.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Do you know Mrs. Susan Bartlett?
- James Harrington: What kind of a question is that?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Look, I haven't got time to waste. Can you say when you last saw Mrs. Susan Bartlett, please?
- James Harrington: I wouldn't know. I pass her in the street. I don't talk to the woman.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Mrs. Bartlett's body was found in a pond in Setwale Wood this morning. She was dead. The wood belongs to you.
- [pause]
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Shall we come inside? Then you can tell me what the Susan Bartlett you don't talk to was doing here yesterday morning.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: If Simon Bartlett left Bernadette Sullivan's when he said he did...
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: Well, she's not likely to lie. I mean, she's a barrister, isn't she?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: [chuckling] I can see, Troy, that despite your recent experiences at Causton Crown Court you still have a touching faith in the legal profession.
- Sergeant Gavin Troy: You think she is lying?
- DCI Tom Barnaby: I think all sorts of people are lying, Troy.
- Joyce Barnaby: His mobile's turned off, but the station says he's gone up to Midsomer Worthy.
- Julie Fielding: I don't want to tell him there. It's all got to be a secret, you see.
- Sean Fielding: Can I have some more cake?
- Joyce Barnaby: Oh, I'm glad you like it.
- Sean Fielding: I could eat loads.
- Julie Fielding: Sean, it's rude to ask for more.
- Joyce Barnaby: I'll take it as a compliment.
- Sean Fielding: Thank you.
- Joyce Barnaby: Do your parents know you're here?
- Simon Bartlett: I just drove up there. James wasn't there. I turned round and came home. I knew that I was under suspicion for Susan's death. I was afraid that if I said I'd been at Abbey Farm you'd think...
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Why? Why did you go there?
- Simon Bartlett: I wanted to talk to him...
- DCI Tom Barnaby: If the police don't get you, I will. You do remember saying that, don't you?
- Simon Bartlett: That was... I didn't know what I was saying. I, I didn't mean it.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: All right. So you came home. You were never at Miss Sullivan's at all.
- Simon Bartlett: No.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: Why would she lie about it?
- Simon Bartlett: I thought... I believed it was to protect me. Now I'm not so sure.
- DCI Tom Barnaby: What do you mean?
- Simon Bartlett: Well, she wasn't just giving me an alibi, she was giving herself one.
- Bernadette Sullivan: [James knocks off Bernadette's side mirror] What the hell are you doing?
- James Harrington: There's a footpath there, not a car park. You'll know what trespass is.
- Bernadette Sullivan: Mr. Harrington, you'd be very unwise to allow them to start felling trees.
- James Harrington: Just a bit of preliminary work. They move in next week, but that hasn't got anything to do with you or anybody.
- Bernadette Sullivan: We will be going back to court.
- James Harrington: You fired all your guns.
- Bernadette Sullivan: Oh no. You don't know how much the next salvo's going to cost you.
- Simon Bartlett: Um, I was trying to get a hold of Bernadette to tell her that...
- Victoria Bartlett: Don't you have more important things to see to?
- Simon Bartlett: I... I don't know.
- Victoria Bartlett: Susan's dead. If there's anything you can do to stop people believing her suicide was your fault, you should do it.
- [pause]
- Victoria Bartlett: I know you didn't have much time for her in life lately, but I'd like to think in death you can do something more decent than rush off into the arms of your mistress.