Paul Lazar: Louie Jerris

Quotes 

• Officer George Frankly : You said you might have some interesting information about gems.

  Louie Jerris : Then it must be true, I'm not a kid who guys around about jewels. I mean, I'm not a guy who kids around about jewels.

• [Louie takes a pearl, puts it in his mouth, grinds his teeth on it, then spits it out] 

  'Mad Dog' Fist : I knew he was squirrely, but I thought they ate acorns.

  Louie Jerris : This is a test to see if the pearl is real or an imitation. Real pearls contain micro-crystals which come to the surface and grate on the teeth.

  Sgt. Pat Tuesday : Well?

  Louie Jerris : This one is as smooth as a baby's... uh, knee. The pearl is a phony!