- Ted Baxter: I'm not taking David to a shrink!
- Mary Richards: Ted, come on. It's just a child psychologist.
- Ted Baxter: I don't care how old he is!
- Ted Baxter: Wait a second, doc. Before you get started, let me get one thing straight. I'm not impressed with all this psychoanalytic mumbo-jumbo. To me, the whole business is just silly. Child psychology, $40 an hour... How's a kid going to get that kind of money?
- [Ted and Georgette have just been informed that David is a genius]
- Ted Baxter: Say, let me ask you a theoretical question.
- Doctor: Of course.
- Ted Baxter: Let's assume that... someone... has a kid with an incredible IQ. And that... someone... wasn't great in the fifth grade. Do you think that would cause any problems between the two?
- Doctor: No problems at all, Mr. Baxter. As long as the parent is a reasonably secure, mature, well-adjusted adult.
- Georgette Baxter: Boy, are we in trouble.
- Ted Baxter: [after David goes too far and upsets Georgette] All right David, come on with me.
- David Baxter: Where are we going?
- Ted Baxter: To get spanked.
- David Baxter: Come on dad, that's old fashioned!
- Ted Baxter: So am I.
- Ted Baxter: Lou, you gotta do me a favour.
- David Baxter: Hi Mister Grant.
- Lou Grant: Hi David, how are you?
- Ted Baxter: Lou.
- Ted Baxter: What?
- Ted Baxter: I gotta use your office just for a few minutes.
- Lou Grant: What do you want my office for?
- Ted Baxter: I gotta spank my kid.
- Lou Grant: You don't wanna spank David.
- Ted Baxter: Yes I do. You got a hairbrush handy?
- David Baxter: What would he be doing with a hairbrush?
- Lou Grant: Go ahead, spank him!