Married... with Children (TV Series)
The Naked and the Dead, But Mostly the Naked (1995)
Ed O'Neill: Al Bundy
Photos
Quotes
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Jefferson D'Arcy : Did you see the headlights on that last stripper?
Al Bundy : How about the taillights on the one with the tattoos.
Charlie : No no no, those weren't tattoos. Those were my fingerprints.
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Peggy Bundy : Gee, Al. I have to admit, this isn't anything like I though it would be.
Al Bundy : I know, Peg. Usually it's a lot more civilized in here, but when the talk turns to healthcare, dammit, I become an animal!
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Al Bundy : Here's the plan. We are only going to take our wives there on Thursdays.
Charlie : But Al, Thursday night is our bowling night.
Al Bundy : That's right. And why do we always go bowling on Thursday night? Because at the Jiggly Room, Thursday night is always...
Bob Rooney : A-cup night!
Jefferson D'Arcy : There's not a single Dr. Yummy in the whole house!
Al Bundy : Hence, we won't get excited.
Bob Rooney : But what if we do?
Al Bundy : Well, try to imagine Jefferson's wife up on stage with no clothes on.
Bob Rooney : What if that doesn't work?
Al Bundy : Then try to imagine Jefferson himself up on stage with no clothes on.
Ike : What if that doesn't work?
[everyone stares oddly at Ike]
Al Bundy : Then you're out of the club.
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Al Bundy : Now remember this, men. Just as a man's eyes must adjust to the light when he's been in the dark, so too must a man's eyes adjust to his wife when he's been in the nudie bar. Ergo, do not look directly at them.
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Peggy Bundy : We want to relax and unwind too.
Al Bundy : From what? Tearing open the packages of Ho Hos with your teeth all day.
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Jefferson D'Arcy : Wow! Did you see the headlights on that last stripper?
[much laughter]
Al Bundy : How about the taillights on that one with the tattoos?
Charlie : Those weren't tattoos. They were my fingerprints!
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Peggy Bundy : [re the dancers at the Jiggly Room] And are they naked?
Al Bundy : No! No. They're wearing those... Whatchamacallits...
Bob Rooney : Shoes?
