Married... with Children (TV Series)

The Legend of Ironhead Haynes (1994)

Waylon Jennings: Ironhead Haynes

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ironhead Haynes : I have one of two things of mine that I can give you. One is this acoustic guitar that my dear old dead grandmother left me, or my Victoria Secret lingerie catalog.

  [after a short pause, Ironhead Haynes gives Al the guitar] 

  Ironhead Haynes : Here, I just can't give up my social life.

• Al Bundy : I can't just go back to tell my friends that the life we used to know is gone.

  Ironhead Haynes : Well, that's the problem. You and me are like dinosaurs. Big, old, dead dinosaurs. The problem is that there is no future in being a dinosaur, but there is one hell of a past. My advice to you and your friends is be like the dinosaurs and leave deep footprints.

  Al Bundy : Leave deep prints?

  Ironhead Haynes : Exactly. Make your own mark and make it last.

  Al Bundy : Wait, when I go back down this mountain, what can I show them proof that I met you? What can you give me?

  Ironhead Haynes : How about this sack of flour?

  Al Bundy : Do you have anything without mealybugs in it?

  Ironhead Haynes : I guess that leaves my beard.

• Al : You must be Ironhead Haynes.

  Ironhead Haynes : Yep. And you must be some idiot that doesn't know there's a road leading up here from the other side of this mountain.

• Al Bundy : Ironhead, what things do you find most important in life?

  Ironhead Haynes : I believe that when you gotta spit, you gotta spit and right now... I gotta spit.

  [Ironhead spits in the air and a large bird falls from the sky, dead] 

  Ironhead Haynes : I believe that everybody that's got more money than they can hold in both hands... ought to give it all to me. I believe that all animals were put on this Earth to make faces at me.