Doctor #1: Bad news Mr. D'Arcy. I'm afraid we are going to have to operate.
Jefferson D'Arcy: Oh, no.
Doctor #1: You do have insurance?
Jefferson D'Arcy: Yes, of course.
Doctor #1: Then we will be using anesthesia.
Doctor #2: How are we feeling today, Mr. O'Malley?
O'Malley: My heart hurts.
Doctor #2: That's good. Good.
[to his assistant]
Doctor #2: Tack on another grand for the consulation. Plus, you'll get your usual 10% cut from his death benefit.
Iqbal: Mr. D'Arcy, shall I continues to charge the lap dances on your wife's credit card?
Jefferson D'Arcy: Sure, Iqbal. After all, it's her anniversary too.
Al Bundy: Jefferson, you asked me to remind you when it's six o'clock so you can leave before Marcy gets home.
Jefferson D'Arcy: Sure, Al. When is it?
Al Bundy: It was about a half-hour ago.
Jefferson D'Arcy: [throwing off a lap dancer sitting on his lap] Oh, no! I've got to get home!
Lap Dancer: I was about to take you there.
Officer Dan: [dancing on stage at the Jiggly Room] Hey, look at me! I'm a Village Person!
Al Bundy: Jefferson, we are all taking you out today to celebrate your wedding anniversary since you don't work.
Jefferson D'Arcy: So, how come you guys are not at work?
Officer Dan: Except for me. I'm working.
Police Dispatcher: All units, all units, report to city hall. The mayor has been taken hostage by a group of...
Officer Dan: [turns off his radio] Blah, blah, blah, shut up!
O'Malley: [listening to Kelly] Nurse, I need a Q-tip and a hammer!
[the Bundy's phone rings and Lucky answers it]
Peggy Bundy: [speaking from inside a Parisian taxi cab] Al? Is that you? I'm in Paris. Everyone here is so rude and smelly, I'm just thinking about you all the time.
[Lucky pants over the phone]
Peggy Bundy: Oh, Al, I know you think about me too. I wish I could see your face right now.
[Al is shown with a grimace as he watches the tattooist Harris work]
Peggy Bundy: [as Lucky barks into the phone] Oh, stop barking at me. I know you're upset about the cost of me taking the Concord over here, but I'm hot on Dad's trail. He was spotted last night at a Jerry Lewis film festival.
[Al slams down the receiver]
Al Bundy: [to Lucky] Bad dog!
Jefferson D'Arcy: So, the tattoo on my butt said M-A-R-Y.
Kelly Bundy: So what? M-A-R-Y. Marcy.
Bud Bundy: There's a C in Marcy.
Kelly Bundy: M-A-R-Y-C? Oh yeah, the C is silent.
Sierra Madre: I just had a thought. Why don't you get a tattoo? I once got my boyfriend's name tattooed on me for his birthday.
Officer Dan: I don't see any tattoo.
Sierra Madre: Here, I'll show you. Gather around...
[all the men gather around Sierra Madre, and they all suddenly yell and gasp]
Ike: Oh boy, I'd love to be her boyfriend.
Griff: I'd love to be her boyfriend's name.
Al Bundy: [Attempting to persuade Jefferson to accompany NO MA'AM to the Jiggly Room on the D'Arcys' anniversary] Come on, Jefferson! It's just us, some liquor, and some Mexican strippers! What could happen?
Jefferson D'Arcy: Hey, ya put it that way, OK!
Marcy D'Arcy: Jefferson, it's our anniversary. I'll go to work, earn income for the two of us, in bed I'll even do all the work. All YOU have to do is look good, smell nice, and keep away from Al and his friends!
[Bud sees the tattoo]
Bud Bundy: "I love MarDy"?... I guess you're going to get that removed, huh?
Jefferson D'Arcy: That, and the other thing.
Kelly Bundy: What other thing?
[an X-ray reveals Marcy's boot jammed up Jefferson's rectum]
Al Bundy: Get over here, Jefferson, he's as ready as he'll ever be...