Peggy: I can't believe you still have that car.
Al: I can't believe I still have you.
Al: [Reading off names of dirty movies] Schindler's Lust, Booty and the Beast, and my favorite, Forrest Hump.
Peggy: Hey Al, I found one. It's called Like Water for Chocolate, it's a love story.
Al: What a coincidence, Peg, I found a love story too: Mrs. Assfire.
Bud: Hello, you're on the Virgin Hotline. This is your counselor... Eugene.
Kelly: [On phone] Hi, my name is Isis J. Blowupdoll. And my boyfriend, Bud, hasn't been able to keep his hands off me ever since I came out of the box. Now, should I try to stay firm or just explode and go to pieces?
Bud: Yeah, very funny, Kel. Don't let me keep you, I'm sure the trucker paid for the WHOLE hour.
Peggy: You haven't liked a single movie I've selected.
Al: That's because they all suck.
Peggy: Fried Green Tomatoes sucks?
All the men: Yes.
Clerk: Here are the videos we've held for you: Silence of the Loins and The Joy Slut Club.
Marcy: Um, I'm going to take them home... to erase them.
Clerk: Shall I charge it to your house account?
Peggy: Dieselhead. A man and a monster truck exchange brains?
Al: Like Emilio Estevez would make a bad movie?
Peggy: Oh, how about this: Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Al: That's kinda like five of the same thing, isn't it? Hey. How about...
[shows the case to Peggy]
Al: Wrestlemania Bloopers.
Peggy: You could have taped our honeymoon for that.
Bud: Dad. I got a problem.
[sits on the couch with Al]
Bud: I, er, I did something really stupid.
Al: Oh, Son. You didn't... marry, did you?