[Al is playing Hangman with Napoleon]
Napoleon: Hmmmmmmm. Could it be zhe letter, P?
Al: Hangman, I win.
Al: It's French Fries, you idiot. Not too smart, are you?
[Al sticks his hand in his pants as Napoleon leaves]
[Al sees that Peggy and Jefferson are sitting motionless in from of the TV set]
Al: Peg? Jefferson?
Lucifer: They can't hear you. I've frozen them.
Al: Please! These are two of the laziest people in the world. You want to impress me, make them get jobs.
Lucifer: I'm the devil, not a genie.
Jefferson D'Arcy: [after Al drops dead on the football field] What's he doing?
Peggy Bundy: Oh, my God. He's either dead or having sex.
Al: If you're a repairman, where's your butt crack?
Lucifer: My tail's covering it. I'm Lucifer.
[the devil takes off his cap to reveal a pair of horns in his forehead]
Al: Peg, one of your relatives is here!
Al: Man what I would give to play for the Chicago Bears. I'd sell my soul to play for the Bears.
[knock on the front door and Al opens it]
Lucifer: Good afternoon. I'm here to fix your television.
Al: Nothing wrong with my television.
[Lucifer snaps his fingers and the TV set explodes]
Al: Uh, you know my wife needs some fixing too.
Lucifer: Allow me to introduce my team. Erik the Red, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Brutus, and my favorite, Goliath.
Al: These guys aren't football players.
Lucifer: I know. They just hurt people.
Al: That's not fair. I don't have a team.
Lucifer: Oh, sure you do, Al.
[Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Jefferson, and Marcy appear behind Al all wearing football uniforms]
Al: Like I said, I don't have a team.
Peggy Bundy: Al Bundy, this is all your fault. I shouldn't be down here in Hell with you. I should be up in Heaven having sex with a young Elvis.
Al: Well, then it wouldn't be Heaven for him anymore, would it?
Lucifer: Now here comes my favorite part, your itenuary of eternal torments. For the next millenium, you'll be exclusively dining on the most hideous food ever known to man.
[lifts the top to reveal weenie tots]
Lucifer: Weenie Tots.
Al: Oooh, I love those.
Lucifer: Really? Well what you don't know that a steady diet of weenie tots would cause you to spend an eternity in the bathroom.
Al: [shrugs] Why do you think I love them?
Lucifer: [lowers lid and orders the cook leaves] All right, Mr. Bundy. Since you find Hell such a picnic. How about this? For the rest of eternity, you'll never see your family again!
Al: [kneels and breaks down] This is HEAVEN!