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"Married with Children" Damn Bundys (TV Episode 1997) Poster

(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

Al: There's no Hell like home.

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[Al is playing Hangman with Napoleon]

Napoleon: Hmmmmmmm. Could it be zhe letter, P?

Al: Hangman, I win.

[laughs]

Al: It's French Fries, you idiot. Not too smart, are you?

[Al sticks his hand in his pants as Napoleon leaves]

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[Al sees that Peggy and Jefferson are sitting motionless in from of the TV set]

Al: Peg? Jefferson?

Lucifer: They can't hear you. I've frozen them.

Al: Please! These are two of the laziest people in the world. You want to impress me, make them get jobs.

Lucifer: I'm the devil, not a genie.

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Jefferson D'Arcy: [after Al drops dead on the football field] What's he doing?

Peggy Bundy: Oh, my God. He's either dead or having sex.

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Al: If you're a repairman, where's your butt crack?

Lucifer: My tail's covering it. I'm Lucifer.

[the devil takes off his cap to reveal a pair of horns in his forehead]

Al: Peg, one of your relatives is here!

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Al: Man what I would give to play for the Chicago Bears. I'd sell my soul to play for the Bears.

[knock on the front door and Al opens it]

Lucifer: Good afternoon. I'm here to fix your television.

Al: Nothing wrong with my television.

Lucifer: Oh...

[Lucifer snaps his fingers and the TV set explodes]

Al: Uh, you know my wife needs some fixing too.

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Lucifer: Allow me to introduce my team. Erik the Red, Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Brutus, and my favorite, Goliath.

Al: These guys aren't football players.

Lucifer: I know. They just hurt people.

Al: That's not fair. I don't have a team.

Lucifer: Oh, sure you do, Al.

[Peggy, Kelly, Bud, Jefferson, and Marcy appear behind Al all wearing football uniforms]

Al: Like I said, I don't have a team.

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Peggy Bundy: Al Bundy, this is all your fault. I shouldn't be down here in Hell with you. I should be up in Heaven having sex with a young Elvis.

Al: Well, then it wouldn't be Heaven for him anymore, would it?

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Al: [Walking Into Hell] It's hot as hell down here!

[the Devil glares at him]

Al: Oh yeah, right.

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Lucifer: Now here comes my favorite part, your itenuary of eternal torments. For the next millenium, you'll be exclusively dining on the most hideous food ever known to man.

[lifts the top to reveal weenie tots]

Lucifer: Weenie Tots.

Al: Oooh, I love those.

Lucifer: Really? Well what you don't know that a steady diet of weenie tots would cause you to spend an eternity in the bathroom.

Al: [shrugs] Why do you think I love them?

Lucifer: [lowers lid and orders the cook leaves] All right, Mr. Bundy. Since you find Hell such a picnic. How about this? For the rest of eternity, you'll never see your family again!

Al: [kneels and breaks down] This is HEAVEN!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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