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"Married with Children" Crimes Against Obesity (TV Episode 1996) Poster

Quotes

Shirley: Aren't you open?

Al: Sorry ma'am but unlike your mouth we occasionally close.

Shirley: I want my money back, these shoes fell apart after one day and I wanna know why.

Griff: Well you see ma'am this is a pliant heel with a cork filling.

Al: Where as you are a giant seal with a pork filling.

Shirley: You haven't heard the last of this, what goes around comes around.

Al: Well considering your orbit looks like I have but ten more years.

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Shirley: [rips coupon] That's it!

Peggy Bundy: Hey, that's our dinner coupons. You fat cow.

[Shirley and the fat women are insulted]

Gwen: No. No. No. We don't like to be called FAT!

Peggy Bundy: Then stay HOME!

Al: [laughing] You go, girl!

[high-fives Peggy]

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Matilda: [flashback] I don't understand it. I was a size six before aerobics class. All the jumping must've expanded my foot.

Al: And I see you must've fallen on your but a time or two.

Matilda: How dare you say that to my face?

Al: Well I'd say it behind your back, but my car's only got half a tank of gas.

[flashback ends and Shirley doesn't look impressed by Al's fat insults]

Shirley: What do you say to that, Bundy?

Al: Well I'd say I used heroic restraint much like the witness' girdle.

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Griff: You guys went to the Jiggly Room for breakfast?

Jefferson D'Arcy: Yeah, we brought you back an Egg McBiggun.

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Griff: But Al, you're not 62 years old.

Al: I am when I'm being spanked by a topless birthday clown.

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Shirley: You called me a giant seal.

Al: Well lets see, I had four elephants, I had a rhino who wanted flip flops, had a manatee, no, no I don't remember any seals. Could you jog my memory? You know what jog is. That's what you do when the ice cream truck is pulling out.

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Shirley: Bundy, we are activists.

Al: I'd say not active enough.

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Shirley: You're not grasping the gravity of the situation, Mr. Bundy.

Al: I think gravity has its hands full right now.

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Al: Oh come on, I didn't mean it. Haven't you ever had something slip right out of your mouth. I suppose not.

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Peggy Bundy: You should see what he's like with midgets.

Patty: The proper term is "little people".

Al: That's the proper term for anyone standing next to you.

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