Shirley: Aren't you open?
Al: Sorry ma'am but unlike your mouth we occasionally close.
Shirley: I want my money back, these shoes fell apart after one day and I wanna know why.
Griff: Well you see ma'am this is a pliant heel with a cork filling.
Al: Where as you are a giant seal with a pork filling.
Shirley: You haven't heard the last of this, what goes around comes around.
Al: Well considering your orbit looks like I have but ten more years.
Shirley: [rips coupon] That's it!
Peggy Bundy: Hey, that's our dinner coupons. You fat cow.
[Shirley and the fat women are insulted]
Gwen: No. No. No. We don't like to be called FAT!
Peggy Bundy: Then stay HOME!
Al: [laughing] You go, girl!
Matilda: [flashback] I don't understand it. I was a size six before aerobics class. All the jumping must've expanded my foot.
Al: And I see you must've fallen on your but a time or two.
Matilda: How dare you say that to my face?
Al: Well I'd say it behind your back, but my car's only got half a tank of gas.
[flashback ends and Shirley doesn't look impressed by Al's fat insults]
Shirley: What do you say to that, Bundy?
Al: Well I'd say I used heroic restraint much like the witness' girdle.
Griff: You guys went to the Jiggly Room for breakfast?
Jefferson D'Arcy: Yeah, we brought you back an Egg McBiggun.
Griff: But Al, you're not 62 years old.
Al: I am when I'm being spanked by a topless birthday clown.
Shirley: You called me a giant seal.
Al: Well lets see, I had four elephants, I had a rhino who wanted flip flops, had a manatee, no, no I don't remember any seals. Could you jog my memory? You know what jog is. That's what you do when the ice cream truck is pulling out.
Shirley: You're not grasping the gravity of the situation, Mr. Bundy.
Al: I think gravity has its hands full right now.
Al: Oh come on, I didn't mean it. Haven't you ever had something slip right out of your mouth. I suppose not.